Until Then

Yesterday as I drove to see my father in law in that facility I have come to dislike so much, I heard a song that really tugged at my heart.  As if I needed any help, it drew the tears in buckets.  The song is called Until Then. 

I recall a music minister once telling us that his choice of worship music might not be the same as his son's choices in music but in the act of worship is the same.  I have to admit that while I like contemporary music, I am drawn to the hymns. 

When I hear them I have a tendency to sing them in Spanish, even if I am listening in English.  That is simply because that is the language I learned them in.  Our small church sang them in Spanish and repetition allowed us to learn them in that language. 

This one however, I did not recall.  What drew me to this hymn was the lyrics and as I pulled into that facility I heard:

My heart can sing when I pause to remember
A heartache here is but a stepping stone
Along a trail that's winding always upward,
This troubled world is not my final home.

But until then my heart will go on singing
Until then with joy I'll carry on,
Until the day my eyes behold the city,
Until the day God calls me home.

With tears streaming I am singing "until then with joy I'll carry on."  I would venture to say that there are so many also singing that song and trying to carry on with joy.  Perhaps they have also lost a dear friend, a child to college, a spouse, but yet they carry on with joy....the joy only Christ can offer.

Perhaps its not a loss with "finality" maybe you have lost someone that is "still here." Perhaps it's a parent that you have lost to dementia, or a broken hip or a debilitating disease.  This is not our final home...let that bring comfort.

While the situation may look dark through your eyes, know that there is hope.  This heartache is "but a stepping stone."  Our future is the promise of eternal life with Jesus Christ.  This world is temporary. 

One day, those who are in Christ will be with Christ.  Until then....my heart will go on singing and with joy I'll carry on.  Until then. 

For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown, in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy.  1 Thessalonians 2:19-20

Until Then (c) 1958 Hamblem Music, Stewart Hamblem

Trust Me!

This week as we were in Missouri my husband and I went to a local restaurant.  It was an open buffet type of restaurant.  You walked up to the cashier, paid for the buffet and then piled it on. 

We sat in some booths and I carried my purse as I went to the salad bar.  We then came back to our seats and were next to an older couple [older than us lol] and they continued to eat.  We talked and discussed the events of the day including what was to come tomorrow. 

There was no need for us to return to the salad bar however, the couple returned for dessert.  They walked away and before making it to the buffet, she returned to get her purse.  I started to offer to "watch it" while she returned but then decided against it.  I shared that with my husband and then said "she probably would have said 'no thank you.'"

I giggled as I told my husband "If she only knew!"  If she only knew that the "guard" had 30 years experience in law enforcement, if she only knew that my husband also has that experience, if she only knew that her purse would have been in the most guarded hands of an individual with a great sense of duty...if she only knew. 

There's another part to that...if she only believed.  If she only believed that she could trust us, if she only believed that we would guard her purse and not walk away with it if she only believed, she would not have had to carry it along with her plate. 

Isn't that just how we are with God?  We want to give him a situation so that he can take care of it but we find it hard to do.  We want absolute certainty that God can handle it.  In the past, I have found myself saying "If God only knew just how important this is to me."  I might also say that I would "give it to God" not really "believing" that he could take care of it like I can.

So no more "If she only knew." We do know...now it's a matter of believing!

Believe me when I say that I am the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves.  I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And  I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.  John 14:11-13

In my heart of hearts....

Years ago, and I do mean years ago, I had a sleeping t-shirt that I used often.  I wore it almost every night until my young son Matthew reqeusted to wear it one night.  He was a little tot...about five years old and the t-shirt was more like a night shirt for him. 

The shoulders hung down to his little elbows and the hem dragged but he wore it any way!  It had a huge heart in the center of the shirt and read "In my heart of Hearts, I love you."  Not that there was ever any doubt but I think he was drawn to the security it represented.   He use to tell me "It makes me feel close to you mommy."  I have held on to that shirt for years.  It has survived  moves, closet cleanouts, donations, wardrobe changes and multiple washings.  It may be stained and discolored but it's always clean. 

As the day nears for my youngest to head off to college, I am reminiscent of those times long ago.  I walked into my closet last night to get ready for bed and then I saw it hanging there.  It was like it was calling me.  I picked up the t-shirt and held it tight.  I smelled it,  though his scent was long gone.  I held it close to my heart and remembered his words "It makes me feel close to you mommy."  Last night, I needed that "magic."  I needed to feel close to him. 

While he was enjoying his last few days with friends before leaving, I was enjoying precious memories.  I have had alot going on these past two weeks.  Our middle son graduated from boot camp, a dearly loved neighbor was moved to independent living in San Antonio, and this week, our youngest leaves for college.  

While I need to know in my "heart of hearts" that I am loved,  I know I do not need to look further than Christ himself.  That is where my security is.  In my heart of hearts I know that my son loves me but greater still, I know that Jesus Christ loves me.  While my son may go off to another place for school, God has promised not to ever leave me.  He will protect my heart, he will comfort me, and he will take care of my son. 

He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.  Isaiah 40:11

Please... Not my son!

This week my husband and I travelled to Fort Leonard to witness our son's graduation from bootcamp. We saw this great kid who at one time played a shepherd in a church play, walk across the stage and officially become a soldier.

This child who has lived and breathed a desire to become a soldier is now one.  He could not look any better in his uniform, he wears it well. His pride and love for his country are evident. Yes there were three platoons and several soldiers but I only cared about one.

This is not my biological son but I fought back tears as his mother sat next to me and wiped hers.  He has been in my life over ten years. We have supported his love of the Army as he follows in the footsteps of his grandfather Maas and grandfather Barfield both World War II veterans.

He is a born leader and has displayed leadership qualities in his high school ROTC and now college.
He will not be kept down, he will not hesitate to fulfill his duty or to defend his country.

As we sat and listened, we came face to face with reality.  These young men and women had now given their life, their all to the United States Army. "Army Strong" they say, except that I was anything but strong.  My heart was torn as I was proud beyond belief but still wanting to hold on, still wanting to live in the comfort of him returning to our city and being a happy, fun filled young man.

I was not wanting to think of the possibility of him one day actually being on the front lines and the threat that brings.  In fact as I saw him in formation, I was overwhelmed by this thought and I could hear myself repeating "Please....not my son!"

I would venture to guess that every mother there had that same thought...for what mother would willingly give up her son?

My thoughts went to a mother who did just that. Mary obediently gave birth to our Savior Jesus Christ knowing that she would one day have to turn him over.  I imagine that when she saw the treatment of her son, she might have cried out "Please...not my son!"

While our son is in a position of defending our country and ensuring our freedom, Christ
laid down his life to secure our eternal freedom. We put our faith in that Savior to protect our son.

With Christ on our side, we can't go wrong. Army Strong!

Praise be to the Lord my Rock, who trains my hands for war, my fingers for battle. He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues  people under me. Psalms 144:1-2

Just because

When our son was younger, he often had a tendency to push the limits.  As parents you know they can push and push and push until one day you just say enough! 

I recall one specific incident in which he clearly did not comply with what his father and I requested.  I explained to him that because of that, he would not be able to drive his truck for  a week.  You would think I had shut down his life. 
Can you imagine being driven to school by your mother in a 2001 Explorer when you have a cool truck to drive and everyone knows it?  How do you explain?  What do you say when someone asks "Where's your truck? Why can't you drive it?" Just because.

There is always something to "just because." In fact, if we drop the "just" then we can proceed with the real reason.  In Genesis, when Cain took the life of his brother Abel, he didn't do it "just because" there was a reason.  He did it because his brother's offering was recieved favorably by God and his was not. [Genesis 4] 

Aaron was a priest of the Israelites yet he was not perfect.  He led with Moses and did most of what God asked.  Unfortunately, he was not allowed to enter the land God gave the people.  Why?  I can assure you "just because" does not satisfy.  We can learn so much from the Old Testament that applies even today.

He was not allowed to enter because of his disobedience.  His son was the one that took the lead when Aaron died.  God is not a God that randomly doles out punishment or discipline.  He is a God that commands obedience.  We often have difficulty in some areas and fail to obey.  I personally have to look at myself and look at my life and examine my motives, my walk and my obedience to God.  I do not want to be asked "why did you fail to obey me?" and respond with "just because." 

While it is true that Aaron was not allowed to see the land prepared for the Israelites due to his disobedience, today we have redemption for our past mistakes and disobedience because of Jesus Christ. 

He did not die "just because" he died on the cross because He loved each one of us so much that He wanted us to have the opportunity at eternal life.  So when someone asks "How do you know you are saved?"  We can say more than "just because."  We can say it is because of His grace and mercy!



The whole Israelite community set out from Kadesh and came to Mount Hor.  At Mount Hor, near the border of Edom, the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, "Aaron will be gathered to his people.    He will not enter the land I give the Israelites, because both of you rebelled against my command at the waters of Meribah.  Get Aaron and his son Eleazar and take them up to Mount Hor.  Remove Aaron's garments and put them on his son Eleazar, for Aaron will be gathered to his people and he will die there. Numbers 20:22-26

He saved us not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.  Titus 3:5

Fee Fi Foe Fum

Fee Fi Fo Fum was the anthem of the giant in the story Jack and the Beanstalk.  He came in and took over all that was his and then some.  Jack and his mother were living in a modest means and you know the rest of the story. 

Down to their last cow and not knowing where to turn next, Jack makes a move that forces him to come face to face with the giant.  It was bigger, it was stronger, it was meaner.  Jack reached back with everything he had and faced the giant to his demise. 

Sometimes in life, we run into the same situations.  I woke up this morning with a giant on my mind.  I even mentioned to my husband "How is it that my very first thought would be this giant and not good morning Jesus?"  The answer is fear.  We fear the unknown.  We fear the intimidating, we fear the uncertaintity and we fear force. 

When someone approaches us with a forceful voice and an intimidating presence and we may fear the uncertaintity of our own demise.  We cower down and want to run, want to hide.  God did not give us the spirit of fear!  [2 Timothy 1:7]

Whether it is a co-worker, family member, former friend [former anything], or even a threat of exposing the past, they are not giants!! They are only giants in our own mind running around saying "fee fi fo fum..." 

God's Word is greater and bigger and mightier than any giant!   To prove the point that God has a sense of humor, he sent me to Numbers 14.  Remember, in this portion of the Bible, the Israelites have already moved out of Egypt.  God has shown them more miracles and more mercy and more provision that any could phathom and still the people were fearful. 

They did not trust their leader [Moses] the feared dying in the desert,  and they feared the people of the land.  "The land we explored devours those living in it.  All the people we saw there are of great size." Numbers 13:32-33

That was message Caleb brought to Moses and the people and their fear increased.  Our fear increases with threats as well.  We must be like Jack.  We must walk in with our Sword of the Spirit and our Helmet of Salvation and stand up to that giant.  Don't make a blue print or a plan of how to slay that giant, that plan is already in place and it is in the hand of the Almighty God.

So the next time you hear "Fee Fi Fo Fum......remember what God has done!"

Only do not rebel against the Lord.  And do not be afraid of the people of the land because we will swallow them up. Their protection is gone but the Lord is with us.  Do not be afraid of them.
Numbers 14:9

Unleashed

Last night I went to a Ladies Bible Study meeting.  There were several of us and we had to travel a bit so we carpooled.  I rode with a neighbor that lives only a few streets from my home. 

We were the last to arrive.  When we did arrive, we heard some bad news.  One of our own had a mishap and was in the emergency room.  We immediately prayed for her healing and direction for the doctors. 

As she was enroute, her car overheated.  She pulled over to the side of the road to investigate.  She lifted the hood and saw the steam and decided to open the radiator.  That was the worst mistake.  When she removed the lid, it released the intense heat causing burns on her arms and face.  She experienced extensive burns to her arm and her hand.  Her friend immediately drove her to the local emergency room. 

She was examined, cared for and given medications and instructions.  She will have to follow-up with a burn specialist as the injuries were serious. 

It got me to thinking how sin is much like that steam.  It lurkes around and lurkes around and often we surpress it or run away from it.  Then suddenly, if we give in to it even one inch, it is unleashed and creates a serious situation for us.  The consequences can be damaging. 

Often we go along and don't consciously think about sin until one day it just stops us in our tracks.  It demands our attention and the choice is ours.  We can open it up and experience the negative effects and consequences, or we can pray our way through it and spend time in God's Word until we have the strengh to walk away. 

Don't take the lid off of sin, don't let your curiosity trap you.  Stay steady and surround yourself with pure things in life.  Yes, you may see the steam of sin begging to get out and pour in to your life but remember, sin unleashed carries consenquences.

In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus.  Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires.  Romans 6:11-12

Ditch the Detour

This morning I once again, started to run.  I thought I'd do a couple of miles despite the humidity and heat.  I figured I'd start off slow and build up with the hopes of maintaining a healthy ankle and be able to really run again.

It was a hard road but after all, it was only two miles.  It was not long before the whining and complaining began in my head. Even as I listened to Mandisa's He is With You.  The road got longer and the temps got hotter.

I travelled that all familiar trail watching for "lips" in the sidewalks hoping I could stay on my feet and not on my face [again].  Of course I tried to talk my way out of it "What if I only do one mile" "What if I can't make two?"  That switched to "Okay, I've done one now I only need 12 more for a half marathon." 

As I made the full mile and turned to go back I was hit in the face with what was coming...a long incline!  I'm not talking mountain, I'm talking slight raise in the pavement.  It just seems so long.  I have always taken in a deep breath and hit it with all I have until I get to the other side. 

I looked left....no way out, I looked right....flat surface!  Yes!  That's what I wanted, needed.  I calculated in my head turning left, running to the stop sign, left again, more flat surfce. By the time I had calculated the detour, I would have run almost three miles.  No way! Not happening. 

Sometimes in life, we find ourselves at the crossroads.   The road we want to take may be under construction or to difficult to navigate so we look for detours.  What we find at the end of the detour is that we have exherted more energy and more time running away from the challenge than we would have if we would have just tucked our head and gone in strong. 

We want to run from difficulties, marriages, prodigal children, job losses, illnesses, only to discover that the detour we take will offer no solutions and in fact may offer more difficulties than we bargain for.  When you find yourself in a difficult situation, when you think you can go no more, stay the course and ditch the detour. 

Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.  Do not swerve to the right or to the left; keep your foot from evil.  Proverbs 4:26-27

Never Alone

Ever feel like you are completely alone?  Even in the midst of a large group, a party, at work or with friends....alone.

This morning for reasons known only to me, I was very sad.  I went before God and asked for peace in a situation.  I asked that he comfort me and guide me through a season that is very difficult for more reasons than one. 

I turned my radio on to a station that is soothing, comforting and even encouraging. I needed to hear what I heard next.  It was a song that the church choir sang many years ago.  I sang it often and took comfort in the words.  Feeling better, I posted this on my facebook account:

Be strong, and take courage do not fear or be dismayed, for the one who lives within you will be strong in you today....#neveralone

I wrote those words because they are words to the song and because I believe them.  I wrote never alone to convince myself that I am never alone. 

Although I was immediately taken back to my situation and heavy hearted.  I suppose that I heard the words but I needed convincing.  I know God knew this also because shortly thereafter, another song played....one I did not expect.  I have never heard it, but I feel like God sent it just for me.

I know you think this problem is big but I am bigger still
I created you, I love you, I call you my own-
You're never out of my hand and my child, you are never alone.

How does that happen? The very words I was trying to accept convincingly, were the words used to deliver the message....never alone. 

So many times we go through life suffering the smallest or greatest of challenges and we feel like we can not make it, we feel like we have no support system, we feel like we have no strength.  The one thing we do have is that we are never alone. 

Whether you are sitting in a corner grieving or standing in a grocery line by yourself crying, you are not alone. 

So as I make it through these hours that will become a day that will become a week then weeks, I move on knowing that I am never alone.

As I was with Moses, so will I be with you; I will never leave you or forsake you.  Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land...be strong and very courageous.
Joshua 1:5, 6-7


You're Never Our of My Hand
Catherine Barn-Sasser