In my heart of hearts....

Years ago, and I do mean years ago, I had a sleeping t-shirt that I used often.  I wore it almost every night until my young son Matthew reqeusted to wear it one night.  He was a little tot...about five years old and the t-shirt was more like a night shirt for him. 

The shoulders hung down to his little elbows and the hem dragged but he wore it any way!  It had a huge heart in the center of the shirt and read "In my heart of Hearts, I love you."  Not that there was ever any doubt but I think he was drawn to the security it represented.   He use to tell me "It makes me feel close to you mommy."  I have held on to that shirt for years.  It has survived  moves, closet cleanouts, donations, wardrobe changes and multiple washings.  It may be stained and discolored but it's always clean. 

As the day nears for my youngest to head off to college, I am reminiscent of those times long ago.  I walked into my closet last night to get ready for bed and then I saw it hanging there.  It was like it was calling me.  I picked up the t-shirt and held it tight.  I smelled it,  though his scent was long gone.  I held it close to my heart and remembered his words "It makes me feel close to you mommy."  Last night, I needed that "magic."  I needed to feel close to him. 

While he was enjoying his last few days with friends before leaving, I was enjoying precious memories.  I have had alot going on these past two weeks.  Our middle son graduated from boot camp, a dearly loved neighbor was moved to independent living in San Antonio, and this week, our youngest leaves for college.  

While I need to know in my "heart of hearts" that I am loved,  I know I do not need to look further than Christ himself.  That is where my security is.  In my heart of hearts I know that my son loves me but greater still, I know that Jesus Christ loves me.  While my son may go off to another place for school, God has promised not to ever leave me.  He will protect my heart, he will comfort me, and he will take care of my son. 

He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.  Isaiah 40:11