Sometimes I will drive by a place that will just trigger a memory. Yesterday it was Sonic. I drove through to get some mango tea and in my head I could hear the high school junior say "Mom, I'm gonna meet the guys at Sonic."
Words can not describe the longing to turn back time, I just want to say "Hey son, let's go have lunch at Manuel's." I reminisced of all the homecoming corsages I had to order, all the mums, all the pictures, and all the instructions for everything to be perfect.
I desperately miss hearing about his day or this situation or that situation. I miss shopping for the perfect colored t shirt or the perfect shoe...all things that took time and could not be rushed. The problem is he is not so close anymore. He is no longer in his bedroom, he no longer comes home to often. He is deep in his studies and has his own schedule and agenda.
I desperately miss hearing about his day or this situation or that situation. I miss shopping for the perfect colored t shirt or the perfect shoe...all things that took time and could not be rushed. The problem is he is not so close anymore. He is no longer in his bedroom, he no longer comes home to often. He is deep in his studies and has his own schedule and agenda.
How I wish I could change that, how I wish I could see that toothless little boy and that young man dependent on mom to drive him places and cheer him through. I can not describe the emptiness and the need to just share a long conversation -just he and I. "Let's drive to Kemah or go to a movie" are the kind of days I miss. I long to be in his presence and hear about the direction he is taking or how God is working in his life. It makes me sad that as life goes on, we move out, move forward, and eventually, move away.
As I buried myself in thought of how much I miss him, my heart became more and more heavy. In that thought, I thought of my father. I thought of how much my father must miss me when I "go away," how much does my father miss me when I am no longer in his presence, or in conversation with him. Some of His children have long moved on, how he must long to hear from us.
I speak of my heavenly Father. I think of how I long to have quality time with my son and think of how God must long to hear from me. Oh He hears from me, but I mean really hearing from me. Quiet, still, committing time to Him alone.
As I succumb to the feeling of loneliness, I run to my Father. I tell him how it is a bad day and how much I miss my son and how despite the cycle of life, I long to be with him today. It is then that my Father reminds me that He gave up his son and He did not even consider not doing it. He gave up His son so that I could have eternal life, a gift offered and passed on to my son.
Do I miss my son....absolutely! Do I know he is in good hands.....yes! Do I trust my Father....enough to let go!
As I blink back a tear, my phone dings and the text merely says "Math test was so hard!" I smile as I encourage him to be tough and trust God. I am so, so, so.....beyond words, so grateful that I found Christ when I did and that He was my guide. He will not mislead you in raising children.
Corrie Ten Boom once said to Charles Swindoll relative to his children "Hold everything in your hands lightly....otherwise it hurts when God pries your hands open."
My hands have been pried....my heart misses my son but my mind knows that God is in control and I am glad that He is also his Father.
Although I miss my son, I must remain diligent in Christ because I do not want to miss my Father.
I thank God that He was willing to give his son so that we might all have an opportunity at eternal life. Have you accepted that gift?
I speak of my heavenly Father. I think of how I long to have quality time with my son and think of how God must long to hear from me. Oh He hears from me, but I mean really hearing from me. Quiet, still, committing time to Him alone.
As I succumb to the feeling of loneliness, I run to my Father. I tell him how it is a bad day and how much I miss my son and how despite the cycle of life, I long to be with him today. It is then that my Father reminds me that He gave up his son and He did not even consider not doing it. He gave up His son so that I could have eternal life, a gift offered and passed on to my son.
Do I miss my son....absolutely! Do I know he is in good hands.....yes! Do I trust my Father....enough to let go!
As I blink back a tear, my phone dings and the text merely says "Math test was so hard!" I smile as I encourage him to be tough and trust God. I am so, so, so.....beyond words, so grateful that I found Christ when I did and that He was my guide. He will not mislead you in raising children.
Corrie Ten Boom once said to Charles Swindoll relative to his children "Hold everything in your hands lightly....otherwise it hurts when God pries your hands open."
My hands have been pried....my heart misses my son but my mind knows that God is in control and I am glad that He is also his Father.
Although I miss my son, I must remain diligent in Christ because I do not want to miss my Father.
I thank God that He was willing to give his son so that we might all have an opportunity at eternal life. Have you accepted that gift?
There is surely a future hope for you and your hope will not be cut off. Listen my son and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path. Proverbs 23: 19-20
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