These past few weeks I have been so excited. I have been so close to an A in my Leadership Class of my doctorate program. The first class I completly bombed it. I was fortunate enough to walk away from that class with a C. This week I had a presentation due and I was so excited. My average was 89.56 and this project was what was going to kick me into that ever elusive A.
I woke up this morning and for some reason my phone was dinging that I had a message. It was a not yet 5 AM for heaven's sake. I opened the message and discovered my grade. It was not at all what I wanted or expected. My heart sank. Once again, my A alluded me. My 89 average had dropped to an 85 and with this being the last week, there was no way I could make it up.
Bummed. B-U-M-M-E-D! One might ask "Why is this so important?" It is important to me because I have attached my grade to my worth. Isn't that silly? Silly but true. The greater my grade, the greater my worth - in my mind. I have had friends be really supportive through this venture but none of that can erase my insecurities. Is it because I never had a high GPA in school? Is it because I graduated with honors in my Master's Program therefore I have high expectations? I don't know the answer to that. I only know that I feel like this is the path God called me to and this is the path I'll take. This I do know, God would never attach my worth to a grade yet I continue to do so.
With this class behind me, I can only wait to see what the next one brings. Waiting...such a difficult process. It can be no coincidence that my devotions this week have been on waiting. Isaiah 40:31 "Those who wait on the Lord...." wait, wait, wait. How long do I have to wait. That is one of my primary downfalls-impatience. The rest of that verse says "...shall renew their strength. They shall soar on wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary."
You may have to wait for something you are praying about but in the end, your strength will be renewed. God has really spoken to me this week about this subject. Like most of us, I want it now. Wait for it, for at the appointed time, God will reveal it to you. Don't give up. Just wait for it.
For the revelation awaits an appointed time, it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay. Habakkuk 2:3
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