But God Called Me To

A few seasons ago I taught a class called Total Forgiveness. It was not an easy class as there many issues that require forgiveness but our insistence to hold on keeps us hostage. This book by RT Kendall was a gift given to me by a dear friend.

The other day as we sat with a group of folks at a sporting event, I made a comment about a horrible play. You know...one of those "why are they playing him?"kind of comments. What ensued was a stabbing glare from a woman near me. I sunk at the thought of offending her or her child.

It truly ruined the evening for me because I felt such a burden to apologize. A friend told me "Forget it, it's all in the course of the game!" I knew different. I knew in my heart I needed to apologize but despite that,  my heart and my head battled to do what I knew God was calling me to do. 

When all was said and done, I approached the woman and apologized for my comment stating that my passion for the game at that moment overrode my brain. I apologized if I offended her or her son and asked her to forgive me.

The woman looked up at me, glared into eyes and with the venom of a rattler said "Forget it!" then turned and walked away. In her wake she left a defeated spirit. I thought of my lifetime experiences where a friend, a parent, a co-worker, a loved one or even a stranger rejected my sincere apology at one time or another. I thought of the ladies in the Total Forgiveness class, I thought of our "need" for revenge, I thought of Jesus crying out "Father forgive them for the know not what they do ." 

Ultimately, I willed my legs to move and go on. Days later, the burden still on my mind I ask "why?" I wondered if i should have listened to my friend and just walked away. Why did I even approach her? The only answer I have is "because God called me to."

It is important that you know these things happen. Not everyone is going to accept your apology or extend you forgiveness but I learned in this class, when we forgive, it's not for them, it's to free you! So if you feel the need....ask for forgiveness-or forgive your captor, yes I said captor. Unforgiveness holds us hostage so let it go because when you release it, you are no longer captive. Do it because God said so.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32