Let it go

I recently read a story of a little girl who was so upset with her mother that she went and sat on a pier to get away.  As she was there, her mother kept a watchful eye from the house.  She observed the daughter playing with a beach ball and would often lift her gaze to ensure she was still there.  The little girl often wore a neon orange swim cap and was easily recognized. 

In flash, when mom looked up again, the daughter was gone.  Her mother ran to the pier to find her.  It was then she discovered the beach ball and the orange swim cap in the water.  Her daughter screamed frantically driving her mom to jump in the water to save her.  As the mom fought a rip tide she reached her daughter who was out of control with fear.  Their fear, along with the rip tide made it difficult for them to reach the shore.  The mother cried out with fear as her strength failed her.  Eventually, a neighbor came to their rescue and was able to get them to shore. A few hours later when the dust had settled and the little girl was put to bed, her mom asked her "Why did you go in the water without my permission?"  and her daughter responded "The beach ball fell in the water and I did not want to let it go."

I have thought of the many things we hold on to when God is telling us to just let it go.  And when we let go and we see we have no control, we take matters into our own hands and go after it.  Despite the pain or jeopardy it places us in.  Let it go.  Let go of that bad relationship, animosity, unforgiveness and bitterness.  And do not go after it!

In the Old Testament, God called Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac.  As difficult as it must have been, Abraham was obedient believing that God would provide the lamb.  Abraham could have made the decision to hold on to his son, bargain with God, or flee.  Instead he let go and God was faithful! Whatever it is, the time has come....let it go!

"Do not lay a hand on the boy," He said.  "Do not do anything to him.  Now I know that you fear God because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." Genesis 22:

It smells!

Ever been in a place and someone walks past you and you can smell the fragrance they are wearing?  I can walk into my son's room and smell his cologne long after he has left for school.  I have walked into stores and walked past  fragrance counters only to smell the most plesant perfumes and colognes. 

I love plesant smells.  I will not put a load of laundry in the dryer unless the fabric softner has been added first.  Why?  Because upon drying, the clothes smell so nice.  It's great picking up a towel with that plesant smell and knowing it's because it was dryed with fabric softener in it. 

I also use a specific shampoo and conditioner.  Not only because they are effective but because when I have dried my hair, hours later it still smells of that plesant.  So where am I going with this? 

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. " [2 Corthians 2:14]

What a pleasant fragrance to be able to represent Christ because we know him better.  The God who leads us in triumphal procession....He goes before us.  He leads the way and He has provided us with the knowlege we need in His Word, the Bible.  However, along with knowing Him goes responsibility.  The responsibility of accurately representing Him.   I want to be the aroma of Christ.  I want to represent.  Will others recognize my fragrance as being that of Jesus Christ?

We are to be the aroma of Christ both to those who are saved and those who are perishing....I have to ask myself if I accomplish that daily?  Do people recognize the fragrance or smell a stench of worldiness?  Do I smell good one day and fall to the pressures of the world the next?  Do I smell like gossip, lies, backstabbing or envy? Do others say "what a plesant fragrance"  or "It smells!"

My prayer is that I would walk with the fragrance of life, life that comes from Jesus Christ.

For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death, to the other, the fragrance of life.  2 Corthians 2:15-16

It's broken

The other day, I pulled into my driveway and saw a beautiful yellow flower on my hibiscus bush.  I remember having a previous hibiscus plant that I really loved.  It also produced a beautiful yellow flower.  It pained me to have to trim it. It looked horrible when I trimmed the branches. I missed my beautiful yellow flowers.  Last year during a freeze, we lost that hibiscus plant.

In the spring, we proceeded to purchase new hibiscus.  I love the plant so much that I bought seven for the back yard and two for the front yard.  I meticuloulously searched for each plant.  Some had buds, some just green leaves. I visualized where every one would be planted but for the front, in order to replace the one I previously had, it had to be yellow. We got to the yellow buds and my husband held up plant after plant....no, no, no.  At one point I told him "Not that one, that one's broken, I dont want a broken one."

Now, I think back on that time and am grateful that God has never said "I don't want a broken one."  When King David sinned against God, he cried out to God in his emptyness and he took comfort in singing praises to God.  I have to believe that at one time or another each of us has experienced brokenness...regardless of the degree, God is accepting of us.  His love for us never changes even if circumstances do.

I planted that new hibiscus bush in the same place as the other one and it did not disappoint me.  I now have  beautiful yellow flowers.   In our brokenness, if we trust our life to God, He will not disappoint.  He will love you, comfort you, and accept you just as you are.  Like the hibiscus flower he will bring you a new beginning.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not despise.  Psalm 51:16-17

Turn back the time

I had my follow-up appointment for my hand injury today.  The doctor said I had two options and he proceeded to describe each.  I could do nothing but sit there and cry.  The doctor asked "What is going on? I see tears..why tears?"  I responded "I just want to turn back time so that this would have never happened."

We were in San Diego this week.  The first thing we did when we arrived there was turn back the time.  I wanted to turn back the time on my injury.  I wanted to change what took place.  I wanted to have stayed in bed and not gotten up.  I was so sad that now I had to make a choice-one of which which would require a six week recovery.  I cried that I could not type, I cried that I could not drive, I cried that I had to make a choice and I cried that in two hours I had to give a presentation and did not feel ready...I just wanted to turn back the time.

As God always does, I went to my presentation and gave my excuses for my limitations in presentating my material to which one lady displayed her scar of stitches on her right wrist where she had fallen and broken a bone.  The other lady explained she has not had the use of her right hand/arm for years and has been totally dependent on her left arm.  I had to ask myself  "why the tears?"  Is God teaching me a lesson in my limited use?  Is he saying that I must totally depend on Him? 

Why did I want to turn back the time?  To turn back the time would have meant missing time with my mother that morning.  Turning back the time would have meant we would not have shared stories and laughter either.  I have often thought of some of the thimgs I have done at mom's due to her limited vision.  "I have changed light bulbs on unsteady chairs, whacked tall weeds with a machete, climbed cyclone fences to retrieve articles, opened can goods with a knife, and I have never injured myself."  Here I am cleaning an lantern and it costs me a torn tendon and five stitches. 

I wanted to turn back time...instead, I should wait on God's timing.  I know the time will come when there will be no pain and I will have full use of my hand.  Until then, I will use this time to seek Him!

Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord until He comes.  Hosea 10:12

How deep is your thorn?

Life is getting better.  I can now type with my index finger and thumb on my right hand and that is a great accomplishment.  Of course what you don't know is that it takes numerous "do-overs."  Sometimes I have to type and re-type sentences.  Today I told my husband "Ok, I'm done-can we just get on with it."  The reality is that it has only been three days and there is still alot of pain and healing will take as long as it takes.  Some life lessons are learned with time.

I immediately thought of Paul and his request "...there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me..."  I am a very independent person.  My mother never learned to drive and now at 71, she still relys on others to drive her to appointments, grocery shopping, etc.  I pretty much get up and go so to get in my car and need someone to shift the gears is hard on me.  Can't hold a cup of coffee, can't sign my name and can't deal with it very well.

Paul said that he would "boast all the more about his weakness so that Christ's power may rest on me." I'm just wondering why I can't just settle down. I want to hurry and write that lesson,  I want to post quickly, I want to sign my name, brush my teeth with my right hand and waash my hair by my self.  I want to get things done.  Paul said he got a response to his pleas.  It went something like this "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I don't consider my thorn a really deep thorn but when it comes down to it, it's still a thorn and it is still "holding me up."   Despite his thorn,  Paul did not stop serving.  He relied on his strength coming from Christ. 

I pray that I will settle down and not let a thorn of five stitches slow me down.  I pray that despite my "inabilities" I will continue to allow God to use me.  I pray that I will delight in my weakness and not focus on my weakness but on God's power.   In the end,  it doesn't matter how deep the thorn is.  What matters is how deep your conviction is and whether or not you are willing to trust Him.

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why for Christ's sake I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Raise your right hand

I have just one question. One simple little question. And it's just one word...WHY? I seem to be on a roll, I had a little down time and i was excited about preparing a lesson for my Sunday School Class and then....boom! I was trying to help my mom who has very limited vision.  It's not that I feared her getting hurt, I did not think she could see the problem to fix it.  A tealight candle was stuck on a side panel of a lantern.  I tried to pry the candle off the panel and in the process, the candle came off easily but my momentum drove my hand into the lip of the lantern. Ouch. 

I did what any normal person would do-I put a band aid on it and drove home.  I knew it was not an ER injury but thought an urgent care trip might be necessary.  After an initial assessment and a trip across town, I ended up at the hand surgeon's office.  Praying my way through the visit, we discovered the tendon was cut but not all the way through.   Five stitches later, I was told that we would pray for the best and hope the tendon reattached itself.

I was pretty "bummed" I had all this quiet time to write and prepaqre and now I could do neither.  I asaked my husband "Why" but really knew the answer before I asked.  As I asked I thought of Psalm 46:10.  My husband's response was "Did you ever think that God may be wanting you to be still and listen?" "Yep" I did think of that but I still asked why. 

I now know what it is like to miss my right hand.  I can not use my fingers, can not grip, grab,grasp or even type, Cant wash my hair, eat with a fork or put make up on with my dominanant hand.  I can use my right thumb and have become resourseful in typing texts.

The perfectionist in me wants every word spelled right...i have no patience and am frustrated when I type "right" and it says "tight" My friend Tracy texted me and asked how i was and I texted "much butter" to which we both got a good chuckle.

The doctor said to keep my right hand in an raised so that the "throbbing" will stop. For years I heard "Raise your right hand" and now that I have to, it takes real effort.  I wonder why this happened.  If God would have told me to slow down I probably would have without losing the use of my hand. Really?  I have to ask myself "how many times did I not listen that it had to come to this."

My hand is still swollen, still painful, and still weak and I am frustrated that it takes me over an hour to type something I could have done in ten minutes.  I covet your prayers for the preparation of a lesson for Sunday...although there is a lesson in this! Most of all, I pray that I will be still and LISTEN to what God would have me learn during this time. In the hustle and bustle of life, we should all slow down and spend quiet time listening.   I have seen more of His beauty, heard more of His voice and learned more from His word because I have been still.

Be still and know that I am God....Psalm 46:10

Total Forgiveness

Last night was the last night of our Ladies Bible Study Class Total Forgiveness.  The class was based on a book written by R.T. Kendall.  I chose this book because it spoke to my own life.  Three years ago, a very dear friend gave me the book.  I read it immediately and applied it to my life.  It was interesting to teach from it now and see the notations I had written back then.  I could see a definite difference.

You see, I went in believing I had addressed and laid down issues of unforgiveness.  While I was not wrong, God laid on my heart other areas where unforgiveness still loomed and had done so for years.  As many humans often do, I gave it a different name such as "personality conflicts" "disagreements" "differences of opinion."  I called it everything but what it was...unforgiveness!  Through this bible study and some unbelieveable woman that held me accountable, I was able to address those issues. 

I came in with the desire of helping other women address their issues of unforgiveness because I had resolved mine.  I wanted them to share their stories and allow God to direct them in how to address their situation.  What I found was that these women were instrumental in bringing to light my issues.  I believe the lesson was in the transformation they saw in me.  I know they could see the relief, peace, happiness, and joy in my life.   So much so that we didn't want it to end. 

We learned what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not, we learned what happens when we don't forgive, we learned that we need to "drop our rock" we learned about criticism and judgment but most of all, we learned that we must forgive because 1) God calls us to do it; and 2) God forgave us. 

Forgiveness is not something we do and then put it on the shelf.  Because we interact with others daily,  because of personal relationships and because we are to be the example, it is a daily walk.  While we may think it only involves past relationships, the reality of it is that we often overlook forgiveness of a co-worker, a spouse, a child, those we deal with daily.

What a lesson learned.  What a wonderful group of women.  I am honored that God would call me to lead this class that established lasting relationships with wonderful women.  To God be the Glory!

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colossians 3:13