There are many things we can do without looking. For instance, I could not be accurate at target practice if I didn't have my eyes open. In fact, that could be dangerous. I couldn't dust, wash dishes, or do laundry without looking. All of those could have costly results.
However, one of the things I can do best without looking is type. There are times that I can read a script and re-type it without looking at the keys. I know the keys so well that my eyes seldom leave the script. I can type emails, letters, poems, documents and never look at the keys. I have been typing since I was sixteen years old and the "asdf/jkl;" are ingrained in my brain. I can see them in my mind and know all the other letters that surround those core keys. That is not to say that I don't ever make a mistake.
What it does mean is that I know the keys so well that I immediately know when I make a mistake. It just "doesn't feel right." Coincidently, as I type, I am looking at my dogs on my bed. No script, no looking at the keys, just typing as I watch them play.
That is how well I long to know the Word of God. I need to know it so well that when someone needs a prayer or a word, I can immediately go to it in my head because it is in my heart. No looking, just knowing! There are scriptures on healing, power, love, salvation, and while I do not know each reference, I bask in the opportunity to learn it.
Knowing where each key is did not happen overnight. It took years of practice. Years of typing, multi-tasking, and practice. I carried on many conversations making eye contact with an individual all the while typing a report or document. Simply knowing where all the keys are located is not enough. I have to put them together in order to make sense of what I am typing.
Learning God's Word does not "just happen." One must spend time in it. Often I go back to scripture I have read before and said "Oh Yeah, I remember that." I have my own sense of how to learn God's Word. The first step is I must be in it! I can visualize where on the page it is, left side or right side, I can visualize columns, and then I can visualize the scripture, but it takes time.
One day, I want to know God's Word so well that I can go to any scripture...without looking.
How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart, that I may not sin against you.
Psalms 119:9-11
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
The End
I don't know what it was but something prompted me to call HR earlier this week. When I did, I had a discussion with the personnel and the decision was made that now was the time to completely sever my position with my organization.
I knew this day would come. The previous year's "retirement" had been fun but financially, I had a decision to make that would protect me for years to come. Now was the time. I have known that for a couple of days but was still not ready. Not sure why, just not ready. I entered my closet and removed every uniform I had in my possession, my gunbelt, my pins, my badges-it all had to go back.
As I removed the uniforms, I saw a huge void in my closet. It saddened me. I was losing an identitiy I have know for thirty years. I quickly closed the door. I proceeded to another closet for more uniforms, jackets, equipment and again, sorrow. I could not do it all at once and I had to lay everything out in the spare bedroom.
This morning, I had to load it all. I had to pack it into my vehicle to turn it in. As I drove downtown I reminisced of the years past. All the friends I lost, those we buried, those who were at one time or another my partners, those that I spent more time with that my own family. Many became my family and I theirs. We knew each other's children, parents and friends.
As I arrived, I encountered a man who had once been my Lieutenant. Through teary eyes I explained how I felt like I was losing my identity. I have always been attached to this badge, this uniform, this organization. He explained that there is much more. I corrected myself and told him that I realize my true identity is in Christ but this will leave a void.
I later proceeded to turn in my equipment. I was greeted with a stoic "hello." I had already been lost in the population. No title, no reference, barely a hello. At one point I carried so much that I dropped a jacket and there was no effort to help. I turned in my equipment and I quickly saw my gunbelt disassembled. My night stick ring was tossed into a basket, my holster identified as "excellent" and my flashlight holder also marked for assignment to a "new-bie." My belt worn from the years tossed for disposal.
I left there feeling stripped of my identity. I left feeling empty. I was quickly rescued by my husband and a former partner who took me to lunch. My spirits quickly lifted by two very special people in my life. As I close the chapter in my life, I can not help but think of what God has in store for me. This is not the end...it is only the beginning.
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. They are plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
I have been cricified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Galatians 2:20
I knew this day would come. The previous year's "retirement" had been fun but financially, I had a decision to make that would protect me for years to come. Now was the time. I have known that for a couple of days but was still not ready. Not sure why, just not ready. I entered my closet and removed every uniform I had in my possession, my gunbelt, my pins, my badges-it all had to go back.
As I removed the uniforms, I saw a huge void in my closet. It saddened me. I was losing an identitiy I have know for thirty years. I quickly closed the door. I proceeded to another closet for more uniforms, jackets, equipment and again, sorrow. I could not do it all at once and I had to lay everything out in the spare bedroom.
This morning, I had to load it all. I had to pack it into my vehicle to turn it in. As I drove downtown I reminisced of the years past. All the friends I lost, those we buried, those who were at one time or another my partners, those that I spent more time with that my own family. Many became my family and I theirs. We knew each other's children, parents and friends.
As I arrived, I encountered a man who had once been my Lieutenant. Through teary eyes I explained how I felt like I was losing my identity. I have always been attached to this badge, this uniform, this organization. He explained that there is much more. I corrected myself and told him that I realize my true identity is in Christ but this will leave a void.
I later proceeded to turn in my equipment. I was greeted with a stoic "hello." I had already been lost in the population. No title, no reference, barely a hello. At one point I carried so much that I dropped a jacket and there was no effort to help. I turned in my equipment and I quickly saw my gunbelt disassembled. My night stick ring was tossed into a basket, my holster identified as "excellent" and my flashlight holder also marked for assignment to a "new-bie." My belt worn from the years tossed for disposal.
I left there feeling stripped of my identity. I left feeling empty. I was quickly rescued by my husband and a former partner who took me to lunch. My spirits quickly lifted by two very special people in my life. As I close the chapter in my life, I can not help but think of what God has in store for me. This is not the end...it is only the beginning.
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. They are plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
I have been cricified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Galatians 2:20
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Happy Anniversary
Today is my 9th wedding anniversary. Some might call it my second wedding anniversary. On March 28, 2010, my husband and I re-newed our wedding vows. Not that we weren't still bound by our original vows, we just wanted a fresh reminder.
God created the institution of marriage with the intent of it lasting a lifetime. "For richer, for poorer, for better or worse, in sickness or health, til death us do part..." Those are pretty extreme. No in between. Sick could be a cold or a terminal disease. Some days are better than others and this is not limited to mood. There are books and tapes, CD's and workshops, all with direction on various marriage subjects.
A prominent question is "when your marriage hits a bump, how are you going to react?" What is going to spill out of your heart and into your relationship? No CD in the world is going to "make it better." But God does give direction.
There are several things mentioned in Ephesians 5. The first is found in verse 22. "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." That is difficult in a society where the workforce employs more and more women. Particularily women in positions of power and status. The Second is found in verse 23. "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the Savior." Sometimes I have found myself needing this reminder. Coming from an occupation highly reliant on a chain-of-comand, I totally understand this one. Understanding is different from accepting. This one requires work for me.
Another huge issue today is the issue of respect. So many times we demonstrate respect to our boss or a co-worker much more than we do to our spouse. A second issue is that of "quality time." Our society has moved to a virtual world where "time spent" is limited to an email or text throughout the day. Daily you see couples at dinner and inevitably a spouse, will display an iphone or blackberry leaving the other party speechless. Usually the "this will just take a second" will turn into the entire dinner.
I have found it important to read material and surround myself first and foremost with the Word of God. As a couple. we also have the exact same devotional book not only to help with accountability but also to see how God speaks to us with each of us reading the same material. I have also found Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage to be very beneficial.
We also spend alot of time together. Our discussions are deeper and I totally appreciate his input when I am preparing a lesson or reading a particular portion of scripture. Lastly, there is something to be said about your husband praying for you. This is something that we fell out of practice and it became very costly. Today, it is refreshing to have my husband pray for me. It is comforting and puts me under the security of my spiritual leader.
Marriage is not an agreement, it's not a contract, it's not a pact...it is a covenant before God. In marriage, promises may be broken, friends may fail you, money may never be enough, and time together may be ellusive. The idea is to keep your eye on the foundation of your marriage and remember that marriage is a covenant!
Happy Anniversary
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12
God created the institution of marriage with the intent of it lasting a lifetime. "For richer, for poorer, for better or worse, in sickness or health, til death us do part..." Those are pretty extreme. No in between. Sick could be a cold or a terminal disease. Some days are better than others and this is not limited to mood. There are books and tapes, CD's and workshops, all with direction on various marriage subjects.
A prominent question is "when your marriage hits a bump, how are you going to react?" What is going to spill out of your heart and into your relationship? No CD in the world is going to "make it better." But God does give direction.
There are several things mentioned in Ephesians 5. The first is found in verse 22. "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord." That is difficult in a society where the workforce employs more and more women. Particularily women in positions of power and status. The Second is found in verse 23. "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body of which he is the Savior." Sometimes I have found myself needing this reminder. Coming from an occupation highly reliant on a chain-of-comand, I totally understand this one. Understanding is different from accepting. This one requires work for me.
Another huge issue today is the issue of respect. So many times we demonstrate respect to our boss or a co-worker much more than we do to our spouse. A second issue is that of "quality time." Our society has moved to a virtual world where "time spent" is limited to an email or text throughout the day. Daily you see couples at dinner and inevitably a spouse, will display an iphone or blackberry leaving the other party speechless. Usually the "this will just take a second" will turn into the entire dinner.
I have found it important to read material and surround myself first and foremost with the Word of God. As a couple. we also have the exact same devotional book not only to help with accountability but also to see how God speaks to us with each of us reading the same material. I have also found Gary Thomas' Sacred Marriage to be very beneficial.
We also spend alot of time together. Our discussions are deeper and I totally appreciate his input when I am preparing a lesson or reading a particular portion of scripture. Lastly, there is something to be said about your husband praying for you. This is something that we fell out of practice and it became very costly. Today, it is refreshing to have my husband pray for me. It is comforting and puts me under the security of my spiritual leader.
Marriage is not an agreement, it's not a contract, it's not a pact...it is a covenant before God. In marriage, promises may be broken, friends may fail you, money may never be enough, and time together may be ellusive. The idea is to keep your eye on the foundation of your marriage and remember that marriage is a covenant!
Happy Anniversary
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
At the Feet of Jesus
On our second day at the village we were working at, it rained. A fierce rain at times. The hygene team was in a covered area so it did not affect us. However, as we prepared to walk to lunch, I could see footprints on the ground. Large footprints, small footprints, ridges from workboots and tennis shoes, flat prints from sandals, all types of footprints on the dirt.
My thought was to capture one of the small footprints but that never happened. It was interesting to see the minimal [and I do mean minimal]automobile traffic. The means of transporation used most was walking. The pace was one of comfort and convienence. No rush, no urgency, just comfort.
This morning I heard a really great song by The Swift. It was in the sequence of music I was listening to but I don't recall hearing it before. As I listened, it reminded me of our pace. How fast, and how packed our lives are. Even retired, my schedule rarely allows for a trip to the mall much less driving to Galveston and having lunch with a friend. Everything has to go on a calendar. Everything has a time limit.
As I listened to this song, I heard:
Like water in the waves that roll unendingly, I am waiting to be stilled
when you step out on the sea....At the feet of Jesus this is my place in life.
It brought to mind those that sat at Jesus feet for hours listening to his words. What has crowded our calendars, our lives so much that we can not sit at the feet of Jesus.
At the cross there is mercy for a lifetime and Oh at your feet-that is where I want, that is where I need to be.
When you sit at anyone's feet whether it's to watch TV, read a book or just talk, the conversation goes up. You are at their feet. My prayer for me to day is that I will stay at the feet of Jesus just a little bit longer than I intended to and that I will hear him speak as I allow Him to lead the way for my life.
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. Luke 10:38-40
My thought was to capture one of the small footprints but that never happened. It was interesting to see the minimal [and I do mean minimal]automobile traffic. The means of transporation used most was walking. The pace was one of comfort and convienence. No rush, no urgency, just comfort.
This morning I heard a really great song by The Swift. It was in the sequence of music I was listening to but I don't recall hearing it before. As I listened, it reminded me of our pace. How fast, and how packed our lives are. Even retired, my schedule rarely allows for a trip to the mall much less driving to Galveston and having lunch with a friend. Everything has to go on a calendar. Everything has a time limit.
As I listened to this song, I heard:
Like water in the waves that roll unendingly, I am waiting to be stilled
when you step out on the sea....At the feet of Jesus this is my place in life.
It brought to mind those that sat at Jesus feet for hours listening to his words. What has crowded our calendars, our lives so much that we can not sit at the feet of Jesus.
At the cross there is mercy for a lifetime and Oh at your feet-that is where I want, that is where I need to be.
When you sit at anyone's feet whether it's to watch TV, read a book or just talk, the conversation goes up. You are at their feet. My prayer for me to day is that I will stay at the feet of Jesus just a little bit longer than I intended to and that I will hear him speak as I allow Him to lead the way for my life.
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. Luke 10:38-40
Monday, March 26, 2012
I know your name
On Friday, the day before we returned from Guatemala, we made a trip to a local orphanage. I was pleased I was feeling better and was filled with anticipation of seeing the children. I don't know what I expected to see because I have no recollection of visiting one before. As we entered the place, we were greeted by an energetic, enthusiastic little guy.
I entered and was taken in by all the children. There were approximately 12 of us and there were plenty of children for each of us. We took turns with them. There were infants, toddlers and school aged children probably up to the age of 9 or so.
My attention went to a full faced, curly headed little girl who appeared so full of life. They played a spanish "corito" in the background and her little legs bounced to the beat of the music. As I held her, I was comforted in knowing that we all have a Father. I saw other members of my group playing on the ground with children, some giving piggy back rides, others blowing bubbles, one allowing herself to be stuck with stickers from head to toe. A new grandmother in our group was surrounded with babies much like her granddaughter while yet another took photographs and allowed the children to see themselves.
The children loved the attention and much too soon, the younger ones were taken inside to be fed. I was impressed with the idea that the workers knew the names of each child in their section. The Leader also addressed each child by their name. There were 52 children.
Our group was touched by these children who by the nature of their circumstances in life landed here. This has become a place of security, a place where they were cared for, a place where they mattered. The world may not know who they are but their heavenly Father knows each situation and He knows each child by name.
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands... Isaiah 49: 15-16
I entered and was taken in by all the children. There were approximately 12 of us and there were plenty of children for each of us. We took turns with them. There were infants, toddlers and school aged children probably up to the age of 9 or so.
My attention went to a full faced, curly headed little girl who appeared so full of life. They played a spanish "corito" in the background and her little legs bounced to the beat of the music. As I held her, I was comforted in knowing that we all have a Father. I saw other members of my group playing on the ground with children, some giving piggy back rides, others blowing bubbles, one allowing herself to be stuck with stickers from head to toe. A new grandmother in our group was surrounded with babies much like her granddaughter while yet another took photographs and allowed the children to see themselves.
The children loved the attention and much too soon, the younger ones were taken inside to be fed. I was impressed with the idea that the workers knew the names of each child in their section. The Leader also addressed each child by their name. There were 52 children.
Our group was touched by these children who by the nature of their circumstances in life landed here. This has become a place of security, a place where they were cared for, a place where they mattered. The world may not know who they are but their heavenly Father knows each situation and He knows each child by name.
Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands... Isaiah 49: 15-16
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Just pray for me
Alas, I am back. This week my husband and I travelled with a group to Guatemala on a Living Water Mission trip. It was a great week with some great stories.
We met some of the greatest kids, made some great connections and saw a community that pulls together. We met women whose life story was told in their faces, their hands, and their feet. I will detail our journey throughout the week.
On Friday, we were scheduled to visit an orphanage. Unfortunately, I woke up with a throbbing headache that had pursued me all week. My roomates were already up and stirring around preparing for breakfast. I was still lying down as each time I tried to raise my head, it throbbed with no relief.
Everyone had left the room and my sister in Christ and friend Nancy Serrett walked back into the room, sat at my bedside and asked "Can I do anything for you?" I responded "Just pray for me." Those were all the words she needed to hear. Nancy opened her mouth and out flowed a prayer that with each word, felt like a renewing and re-energizing.
I wanted my headache to go away and new there was no doubt it would. I didn't want it to hurt because I really did not want to miss the trip to the orphanage. I counted on the power of prayer and decided I would make another attempt at getting up. I was immediately able to get out of bed, shower and travel with the group.
"What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked him. The blind man said, "Rabbi, I want to see." "go" said Jesus, "your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road. Mark 10:51-52
We met some of the greatest kids, made some great connections and saw a community that pulls together. We met women whose life story was told in their faces, their hands, and their feet. I will detail our journey throughout the week.
On Friday, we were scheduled to visit an orphanage. Unfortunately, I woke up with a throbbing headache that had pursued me all week. My roomates were already up and stirring around preparing for breakfast. I was still lying down as each time I tried to raise my head, it throbbed with no relief.
Everyone had left the room and my sister in Christ and friend Nancy Serrett walked back into the room, sat at my bedside and asked "Can I do anything for you?" I responded "Just pray for me." Those were all the words she needed to hear. Nancy opened her mouth and out flowed a prayer that with each word, felt like a renewing and re-energizing.
I wanted my headache to go away and new there was no doubt it would. I didn't want it to hurt because I really did not want to miss the trip to the orphanage. I counted on the power of prayer and decided I would make another attempt at getting up. I was immediately able to get out of bed, shower and travel with the group.
"What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked him. The blind man said, "Rabbi, I want to see." "go" said Jesus, "your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road. Mark 10:51-52
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Because I said so
How many times in our lifetime have we made that statement? As parents, how many times have we told our children "do it" and when they ask why our response is "because I said so."
What if everytime God told us to do something and we asked "why" his response was "because I said so?" No explaination, no instruction just "because I said." I would venture to guess that is why people don't ask. It would be much easier not to do what God requires than to ask why we should and have God say "just do it."
God doesn't waste His time telling us why...He just asks us to do it. That's called obedience "Because He said so." In life there are things we just may not want to do, like give up a vice, forgive a grievance, or actually attend church. We find all kinds of excuses. We want to know what the benefit is for us first, then we can decide whether we want to do it or not.
Can you imagine how much easier life would be if we willingly submitted to God rather than to ask "Why?" Perhaps you're on a job search and you are at your wits end ready to give up and you felt God was telling you to apply at one of the most lucritive organizations in the city. You are exhausted, have gone for months submitting resumes, calling people, wasting gas [at almost 4.00 a gallon] and frankly you just don't feel like it. You don't want to hear "do it because I said so." The reason we don't want to hear that is because we are relying on our past, our record, our attempts not God's power.
There is a different take on that statement in Luke 5 where Jesus goes by the water and sees fisherman washing their nets after a morning of fishing to no avail. Jesus gets in Simon's boat and tells him to go out into the water and put out their nets. Simon's response is " Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so I will let down the nets."
What if instead of asking God "why" we responded with "I will do it because you say so." What blessing are we depriving ourselves of when we are not obedient? What message do we deliver when we say "nope, I've tried and tried and got nowhere so I'm done."
What if Simon had said "no...we've cleaned our nets, we're tired, we're going home." He would have missed out on God's overwhelming gift. Many of us have relied on someone else to spread the word of God to our friends, co-workers, family. God's goodness does not only extend to our personal life, we were made to reach others. Regardless of how many times you have tried...regardless of how bleak the situation may look, it's time to cast your net and let God do the rest.
Do it "because he said so."
When He had finished speaking He said to Simon "Put into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch." Simon answered "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything." But because you say so, I will let down the nets." When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full, they began to sink. Luke 5:4-7
What if everytime God told us to do something and we asked "why" his response was "because I said so?" No explaination, no instruction just "because I said." I would venture to guess that is why people don't ask. It would be much easier not to do what God requires than to ask why we should and have God say "just do it."
God doesn't waste His time telling us why...He just asks us to do it. That's called obedience "Because He said so." In life there are things we just may not want to do, like give up a vice, forgive a grievance, or actually attend church. We find all kinds of excuses. We want to know what the benefit is for us first, then we can decide whether we want to do it or not.
Can you imagine how much easier life would be if we willingly submitted to God rather than to ask "Why?" Perhaps you're on a job search and you are at your wits end ready to give up and you felt God was telling you to apply at one of the most lucritive organizations in the city. You are exhausted, have gone for months submitting resumes, calling people, wasting gas [at almost 4.00 a gallon] and frankly you just don't feel like it. You don't want to hear "do it because I said so." The reason we don't want to hear that is because we are relying on our past, our record, our attempts not God's power.
There is a different take on that statement in Luke 5 where Jesus goes by the water and sees fisherman washing their nets after a morning of fishing to no avail. Jesus gets in Simon's boat and tells him to go out into the water and put out their nets. Simon's response is " Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so I will let down the nets."
What if instead of asking God "why" we responded with "I will do it because you say so." What blessing are we depriving ourselves of when we are not obedient? What message do we deliver when we say "nope, I've tried and tried and got nowhere so I'm done."
What if Simon had said "no...we've cleaned our nets, we're tired, we're going home." He would have missed out on God's overwhelming gift. Many of us have relied on someone else to spread the word of God to our friends, co-workers, family. God's goodness does not only extend to our personal life, we were made to reach others. Regardless of how many times you have tried...regardless of how bleak the situation may look, it's time to cast your net and let God do the rest.
Do it "because he said so."
When He had finished speaking He said to Simon "Put into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch." Simon answered "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything." But because you say so, I will let down the nets." When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break. So they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they came and filled both boats so full, they began to sink. Luke 5:4-7
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