The End

I don't know what it was but something prompted me to call HR earlier this week. When I did, I had a discussion with the personnel and the decision was made that now was the time to completely sever my position with my organization.

I knew this day would come. The previous year's "retirement" had been fun but financially, I had a decision to make that would protect me for years to come. Now was the time. I have known that for a couple of days but was still not ready. Not sure why, just not ready. I entered my closet and removed every uniform I had in my possession, my gunbelt, my pins, my badges-it all had to go back.

As I removed the uniforms, I saw a huge void in my closet. It saddened me. I was losing an identitiy I have know for thirty years. I quickly closed the door. I proceeded to another closet for more uniforms, jackets, equipment and again, sorrow. I could not do it all at once and I had to lay everything out in the spare bedroom.

This morning, I had to load it all. I had to pack it into my vehicle to turn it in. As I drove downtown I reminisced of the years past. All the friends I lost, those we buried, those who were at one time or another my partners, those that I spent more time with that my own family. Many became my family and I theirs. We knew each other's children, parents and friends.

As I arrived, I encountered a man who had once been my Lieutenant. Through teary eyes I explained how I felt like I was losing my identity. I have always been attached to this badge, this uniform, this organization. He explained that there is much more. I corrected myself and told him that I realize my true identity is in Christ but this will leave a void.

I later proceeded to turn in my equipment. I was greeted with a stoic "hello." I had already been lost in the population. No title, no reference, barely a hello. At one point I carried so much that I dropped a jacket and there was no effort to help. I turned in my equipment and I quickly saw my gunbelt disassembled. My night stick ring was tossed into a basket, my holster identified as "excellent" and my flashlight holder also marked for assignment to a "new-bie." My belt worn from the years tossed for disposal.

I left there feeling stripped of my identity. I left feeling empty. I was quickly rescued by my husband and a former partner who took me to lunch. My spirits quickly lifted by two very special people in my life. As I close the chapter in my life, I can not help but think of what God has in store for me. This is not the end...it is only the beginning.

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. They are plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I have been cricified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Galatians 2:20