I have to admit, when I was growing up, it was never my "life dream" to be in law enforcement let alone be a police officer. Any of my siblings can tell you that I had "on the job training" with them. Being second in command,I mean second in the line of five kids, I kept them straight...or tried to. Times were so much easier when there was only one black and white 13" TV, you got no choice in what was served for dinner, and play time outside lasted until the last parents retreated to their homes.
Today, there is so much conflict in so many areas of life. I have spent 30 years "winning" at conflict. There is satisfaction in having the last word. There is contentment in walking away knowing you settled the issue. There is a sense of "pride" knowing you did it. Really? I would venture to guess that uniform had something to with it. As I walked away, did I really make a difference? Will the situation really change? One thing was certain...more likely than not, I would never see those individuals again so it really didn't matter to me at that time.
What about our conflict? What if that conflict involves a parent, a sibling, a co-worker, a much loved friend rather that someone you've know for 30 seconds? It matters then. We can't just walk away from it. I see us as having a responsibility to to make an effort to resolve the conflict. In his book The Peace Maker, Ken Sande give us the four G's of conflict:
Glorify God
Get the Log out your own Eye
Gently Restore
Go and be Reconciled
When I reconciled with my mother, my brother Lee told me "In battle, someone always carries a sword...the other carries a shield." I had carried the shield to defend my self for years...and yet in Ephesians 6:14-16 it is a part of the Armor of God which is the shield of faith. This conflict went on for years because I had no faith it could ever be reconciled. I was trusting the shield of defense not the shield of faith. Too many times in conflict, we sharpen our sword for the attack instead of sharpening our sword by "the word of God."
In conflict, there is always a position and people defend positions. Truer words were never spoken than these: An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel. Proverbs 18:19. Not only do we put up walls, we fortify them...then we prepare for battle.
What I found in the end was that when I crossed the other side to forgiveness, I discovered that I did not even remember some of the things that caused me great pain and supported all that conflict. For that I am grateful.
While I have dropped my shield of defense, I pray that I will cover myself with the Armor of God-Sword and Shield!
Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground...stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, the breastplate of righteousness in place, your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith...the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit which is the wod of God.
Ephesians 6:14-17
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