It wasn't easy...

Ahhhh it is finally here.  The eve of a new beginning.  The close of another chapter.  It is finally here.  There have been joys, there have been sorrows, there have been losses and there have been accomplishments.  Alas, it is soon behind us.  In reflecting back on the last 365 days, I have had some disappointments but there has been much more happiness.  This is the year I left my much loved job of 30 years, this is the year our first headed off to college...with two others close behind.  This is the year that is now "the past."

I have learned many lessons.  I have learned that I have a plan but God is the ultimate authority and plan as I may, He often takes me in another direction.  I have made many new friends, lost many old friends, and continue to pray for the existing friends.  I have developed a love and a passion for ministering to women and the enemy often gets in the way.  I am often amazed at who the enemy will use in an effort to complete his plan but never amazed that God is always the victor.

One of the most humbling experiences came out of a ladies bible study class I facilitated this fall.  I chose to facilitate a class based on the book Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall.  A friend gave me that book three years ago and asked me to read it at a time I had no desire to read, much less forgive.  I began the class with three ladies that had been in my class before and several new ladies.  I was moving right along and enjoying the class until I told a personal story.  I saw the faces of these ladies and one popped up and asked a question that pretty much stunned me. 

You see, I was dealing with my own forgiveness issues.  Have you ever gone on a mission to "rescue someone" and then discover that it's your issue and you should deal with you first? Once they heard my story, these ladies held me accountable and weekly asked if I had taken care of my situation.  I can not thank them enough for the doors they helped open in my life.

My issue was my mother.  For so many years, there was anger, animosity, envy, and bitterness between these two women....a mother and daughter.  The mother envied the daughters freedom; the daughter carried bitterness of her childhood.  There was no "my mother is my best friend" attitude.  The further away I got, the better off I was.  There was constant criticism about fashion, weight, make-up, employment and life choices and it was never ending.  It was fuel to an everburning fire.  There were never kind words and "I love you" were foreign words and never said. 

Honoring that parent was difficult and while "respecting my elder" did exist, that respect exuded rebellion and animosity.  So, in sharing this with these ladies, the question was asked "what about you?"  To which I responded "What about me?" Oh Oh....I knew what was coming.  "When are you going to forgive your mom and move on?"  As a leader, much is expected.  I take my leadership role very serious and pray that God will find me acceptable to lead these women.  So, I took the challenge and began praying about approaching my mother.  I thought I was  "knowledgeable" of forgiveness as I had done my share recently but what I found was I just couldn't approach mom. She had built this wall of "matriarchal rule" that made it impossible to penetrate.  However, what I found was a softening of my heart as I taught Total Forgiveness and attempted to live it. 

I had three opportunities to "do it" and I blew all three.  I ran away.  Once, I was grateful my dad walked in from work and I could make a quick exit.  Forgiveness is never easy but one thing we learned in this class is that forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for us!  It is to set us free.  When I was finally able to sit with mom one on one and discuss this with her, I found that "the veil was removed." What freedom we both experienced.  I saw my mother through the eyes of my siblings which often encouraged forgiveness.  I can not believe I carried this anger and bitterness all these years.  Through conversation, I was able to learn so much from mom and why she did some of the things she did.  It could not have been easy to be 17 years old with a toddler, a newborn and no job with dad in the army.  It couldn't have been easy to be 28 years old and have five children.  It couldn't have been easy....but she loved me. 

I have enjoyed my time with her immensely!  I get to visit with her several times a week and we often get some hearty laughs.  I believe I had reservations about approaching her because I "feared" her response.  I did not have the confidence that she would be receptive.  What I failed to take in consideration that God was at the heart of it.

As we begin the new year, consider this: You answer to God for your actions.  So as we begin this new year, examine your heart [Psalm 139:23-24].  When you get beyond that, ask God to give you the strength to take action.  We are to immulate Him.  I could not go on teaching [with a clear conscious] knowing this was in my heart.

No, it wasn't easy but it couldn't have been easy for God to send His only Son to die on the cross for me.  I often listen to the  C.C. Winnans song It Wasn't Easy and I understand.  I had to go to my mother, I had to release that bitterness, I had to listen to God's voice.  It wasn't easy....but it was worth it.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colassians 3:13

Yesterday...

When I see that word, I am reminded of a song the Beatles made popular many years ago. Yesterday I took my mom shopping.  She was looking for a frame/piece of art for her den.  She already had two beautiful pieces on each side behind the couch but she needed one piece in the middle to balance it out.  In her search, I found a piece that I just fell in love with.  It said:

BELIEVE
Learn from yesterday,
Live for today,
Hope for tomorrow.

I loved it.  I had to have it. I bought it.  You see, in two days, it will be "yesterday," the close of 2011.  In reflecting, ask yourself this question "What have I learned from yesterday?"  What did I learn from events that took place in my life in 2011?  Did I make a difference yesterday or will I stay there? Dr. Tony Evans once said "The best way to kill tomorrow is to live in yesterday." 

We may have started 2011 with a plan.  We may have started with a dream, a new vision, or high hopes.  As we all know, circumstances change, plans change and dreams change,  perhaps because life takes us in another direction or unexpected circumstances overtake us.  We learn from yesterday, it is gone, it is behind us.  It will soon be a memory.  We can not change what has already taken place.  One thing will never change...the love our Savior Jesus Christ has for us.  Regardless of what took place yesterday, He is our hope for tomorrow.

We live for today, we hope for tomorrow and we make the best of each day because much too soon they will become "yesterday."

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  Hebrews 13:8

If you don't go there....you won't get stuck

When I was still working, I travelled daily past San Jacinto River on Hwy 59 on my way home. Often when it rained [before the drought], I would see track marks where vehicles would drive down to the river to go fishing.  One day I saw a red truck stuck in the mud.  I wondered what had caused that individual to drive through the mud.  Did he really like fishing that much that he would risk getting stuck?  Or was it that he needed food to make it through the day?  Did he just want to relax and thought the chance was worth it?  One thing was sure…he did not consider the consequences and now he was stuck!

What is it that drives us?  What drives us so much that we would risk “getting stuck?”  One day my husband and I were driving through a long stretch of solitary road.  We were listening to the radio where a speaker was trying to read a verse but the interference was too strong for us to receive it.

Not being able to make out what he said, I wondered what verse was distorted by interference.  Then I wondered if that is what happens to us.  We get stuck because we do not weigh the consequences of the sin against our human desire.  The weight of our sin is heavy and when we carry it with us, we can get stuck.  I was able to determine that the verse he was reading was Psalm 1:1. We may read God’s word but we do delight in God’s law? Do we meditate on it day and night?   We allow interference to get in the way and distort His message to us.  It is our responsibility to keep from “walking in the counsel of the wicked.”   If you know its wrong, don’t do it!  Why would you willingly go into a muddy path where you stand the chance of getting stuck? If we don't go there, we can't get stuck!

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers.  But his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night" Psalm 1:1-2

What's it worth?

My husband and I had a quick but wonderful trip to Fredericksburg this weekend.  At one point, we were leaving our hotel to wonder around and I asked "Should we take the laptop?"  I was carrying my ipad so I was asking for security reasons not particularly because we would need it,  My husband responded "Yea just bring it, we'll secure it in the car."  Then for some reason I asked "What about my Bible?"  to which he responded "It should be fine."

What a statement!  The fact that we would be concerned about the security of our laptop but there would be no threat of someone taking my Bible.  In contemplating on that conversation, I thought "how sad" that someone would find a gift more precious than gold in that Bible but they would be more concerned about "quick buck" in a laptop.

I recently received a gift from my husband that I really value.  It is a Bible copy written in 1855.  Wow! I love it.  In looking through the notes and clippings, there were notes that read something like this..."Pastor Gordon's sermon April 26, 1856."  There were notations like that throughout the Bible much like I take notes.  I date my sermon notes.  My Bible is very valuable to ME although to another, it may look like a worn out, written on book. 

My prayer is that in 30 years or 40 years or even 50 years, someone will value and be touched by the notes where God really spoke to me.  Value your Bible, make it your own, and pray that someone will one day value the Word of God especially if the notes in it are written in your handwriting. 

What's it worth?  To me, everything!

I have found the Book of the Law in the temple of the Lord.  2 Kings 22:8

Someone took Jesus

Last year, I received my Master's Degree from Abilene Christian University. On our way back from graduation, we stopped at Fredericksburg.  I noticed a nativity scene at the court house lawn.  There was only one problem...someone took Jesus.

I thought how strange and what a prank.  God gave His son for us ...why would someone take Jesus.  It is not that easy to "take Jesus" from you.  God's word asks the question Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? [Romans 8:35]  The response is very clear when it reads: I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." [Romans 8:38-39]

It's just a prank when someone takes the baby Jesus from the nativity scene but I am grateful that no one can take the Jesus that God freely gave to us. 

He did not spare His own Son but gave him up for us all...Romans 8:32

Follow directions...

Yesterday I hosted a group of ladies that I hold very dear.  You have to understand the complexity of this  situation.  First, there was quite a bit of confusion when I initially set up this gathering and I gave them the wrong date.  Then, I tried to overcompensate by accomodating the original date but some have heavy social schedules and that fell by the wayside.  Finally, we got a date and just went with it.  It was a true comedy of errors.  Needless to say, I am not a social event planner. I also do not cook.

That is an understatement because I was helping my mother cook since I was eight.  I just never developed a love for cooking and I am perfectly content with someone else doing it.  So.....I called my sisters just hours before my gathering and asked what I should cook.  Lasagna was the choice.  No-not cook lasagna, bake the pre-prepared lasagna.  I can not tell you the anxiety that I dealt with the entire afternoon.  I was wringing my hands, pacing, wondering what to do.  I knew I would make some mistake and ruin it!

I could not wait for my husband to get home because he is the cook in our family.  Finally he arrived!  I shared my panic with him and he said to me "Just follow the directions on the package."  I thought....really? I did not have the confidence that it would work yet with all the confidence in the world he said "Just follow the directions..."  My anxiety multiplied when my husband told me at 4:00 it needed two hours to cook and they were set to arrive at 6:00.  As it cooked, my husband was calm and laid back and I was still pacing.

His job requires him to be "on call" and he has only been called out a hand full of times all year.  You guessed it!  He got called out.  Again, the anxiety, the nerves, the panic.  He wrote something down on a piece of paper and said "This is all you have to do...follow these directions." Of course I was thinking but what if I burn it, what it doesn't cook through, what if I ruin the night!  "Just follow these directions....and you will be fine."

When Jesus called the first disciples, they had been out fishing all day and were finally coming in.  Jesus got into one of the boats and taught the people from the boats.  When he finished speaking he went to one of them and told them to put the boat into the deep water and let down the nets for a catch [directions],  Of course, having been out all day and not having caught anything, the response was "Master, we've worked hard all day and havent caught anything...but because you say so, I will let down the nets."  Luke 5:5

If we would only follow directions....we can't go wrong.  In the end, my anxiety and panic was all wasted energy.  The lasagna was great and the company was even better.  I was confident in my husband's words...follow directions.  Even though the disciples had been out all day, they were confident in Jesus' words and they submitted to his direction. 

When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break so they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they filled both boats so full that they began to sink.  Luke 5:6-7

Paid in full

In the last twenty four hours there have been several stories related to anonymous pay offs of layaways by "Secret Santas."  These individuals have paid off layaways both at Kmart and Walmart.  At the Walmart in Avalon, OH. a secret santa paid off $8,800.00 in layaways.

For someone or many someones, a dream will come true.  There will be gifts under the tree on Christmas morning.  What a great feeling to come prepared to make payment, only to find it has been paid in full. One lady explained the difficulty in having to make the decision of having to pay her light bill or paying off the layaway so that her children would have toys for Christmas. 

Hearing a story like that warms our heart.  We are overwhelmed with peace and content knowing some child is going to have a great Christmas.  New toys, new clothes, maybe some candy...all the gifts of someone else paying the price.

Many years ago, the price was paid for us too.  God saw us in our sinful state and saw that we could not continue to live in such state.  He also knew we were not capable of "saving ourselves."   God loves us so much that He sent His only son to lay down his life for you and for me.  He took that walk to the cross and with that walk, we were given the gift of salvation and eternal life.  The gift is free to you and because the price was paid in full.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him, should not perish but have everlasting life.  John 3:16

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  1 John 3:16

Prove it!

Having a 30 year background in law enforcement, I am conditioned to deal with facts, reality and evidence.  No guessing, no theory.  Evidence!  Show me and I will believe.  The life of a person may be stake.  The courts, and juries want proof.  That makes a final decision much easier....evidence.

Many in today's society are no different from me and they don't have a law enforcement background. People want proof.  They want to see it, feel it and know it.  Not having lived in Jesus' time, I did not see it, I did not personally witness it but I believe it.  My proof?  The Living Word of God.  If you need that visible proof, you are not alone. 

When Jesus first appeared to the disciples after the resurrection, they thought they were "seeing a ghost."  Jesus told them "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds?  Look at my hands and my feet.  It is I myself! Touch me and see a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have."  When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. [Luke 24: 38-40] 

Many have heard of the one disciple that earned the name "Doubting Thomas"  his famous words..."Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."  Jesus had a response for him.  Then Jesus said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands, Reach out your hand and put it into my side.  Stop doubting and believe." [John 20:25, 27] 

There are many today that think like Thomas.  Many who will doubt, question, and be uncertain.  The Word of God is very clear that Christ died for our sins to offer us the gift of eternal life.  Acts 16:17 says "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved..." That's evidence, that's truth, that's proof.   I choose to believe now and pray that others do also as you may not get a chance later to say "prove it!"

Then Jesus said to him [Thomas] Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.  John 21: 29

How long?

We are always asking "how long?"  How long until the new TV is delivered?  How long until I feel better? How long until I get a new job.  I got a new perspective of "how long" today when our Bible Study teacher taught on Numbers 16. 

We as people don't like bad news.  We don't like to wait and we don't like things to slow us down.  Yet just like the Israelites, we grumble when things don't go our way.   We huff and pout, and turn our backs and may even take drastic measures.  Here the people are wailing and weeping at the uncertainty of what is to come.  They want to choose another leader and turn back to Egypt, they want to stone the "scouts" they are not happy. 

Yet Joshua son of Nun told them that the land they are to pass through is "exceedingly good"  and if God is pleased with them He will lead them to the land flowing with milk and honey....just dont rebel! [V8-9]  Still the people are frightened at the uncertainty and want to stone Joshua. Moses goes before God to seek direction and God says:

How long.... "How long will these people treat me with contempt?"  "How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them?"  Not much has changed.  Today, we can still ask that question.....how long will we treat him with contempt?  How long will people refuse to believe in God?

I pray that I will humble myself and honor God regardless of my circumstances, I  pray that I will be content in the place He has me, and perhaps then, I wont have to ask "How Long?"

The Lord said to Moses "How long will these people treat me with contempt: How long will they refuse to believe in me in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them? Numnbers 16: 11

"Hidden" Treasure

What makes us covet? What makes us yearn for something we don't have? Don't we know that if we can't have it and we gain it through our own means, we have to keep it hidden?  We can't show it off- for that would reveal our sin and if we have to hide it, is it really a treasure?

When my brother Lee and I were much younger, I secretly took five dollars out of my father's pants which were lying on his bed.  I ran out of our two bedroom frame house to the farthest boundary of our yard.  I then recruited my brother to dig a hold so that we could hide the five dollar bill and when the coast was clear; we could return and retrieve the money for goodies.  Little did we know that our neighbor, and elderly lady was sitting in her screened-in porch and had witnessed everything we had done.  It was not long before she called my mother to tell her what we were up to.  We were soon discovered and we had to own up to our guilt and return the money.  I can assure you, our act did not go unpunished we were disciplined.

In telling that story these words caught my eye.  I did it in secret, I recruited another to take part in my sin I was eventually discovered, and then came the discipline.

Today, we put so much effort into hiding from God.  We still think we are running from him when all along, he sees our every move fueled by our greed and envy.  He does not confront us because he gives us every opportunity to repent on our own.  Hiding our sin only binds us to it ...it does not make it go away.

God calls us to repentance and confession....we can't hide from Him.

The Lord said to Joshua "Stand up! What are you doing on your face?"  Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen, they have lied, they have put them with their own possessions..."
Joshua 7: 10-11

When I saw in the plunder; a beautiful robe from Babylonia, two hundred shekels of silver and a wedge of gold weighing fifty shekels, I coveted them and took them.  They are hidden in the ground inside my tent, with the silver underneath.  Joshua 7:21

Read the entire story in Joshua 7

What's the catch?

Ever notice how things have a catch?  Things like “Must be present to win” or “Employees not eligible to participate.”  You have to be very careful to read the fine print.  Some people have stood in line for a sale for hours only to discover that they did not qualify or their coupon didn’t work on a specific product.

Some advertisements offer such good deals and when you get to the register you hear, "Oh that's the rebate price-you purchase the item first and then you send in for the rebate." Of the individuals that make the purchase, many do not follow through and that's how the business gains profit.  The catch is in the fine print because once you really examine the add, you see that it indeed is a "rebate" offer.

I am humbled that Christ does not have a fine print, he does not have conditions, in fact, He doesn’t even expect you to change before you come to Him.  He willingly went to the cross to ensure my salvation knowing the person that I was.  While I was a sinner, He loved me enough to say “She is my child.”   With that said, he went to the cross and demonstrated his love for me...no fine print, no catch!

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 

Time to Soar!

I love how God works.  My husband and I have been praying about direction on a situation for a while now.  Oh...we'd talk about it and say "One day God will show us" or "God will direct us" to which I sometimes ask when?

Waiting is one of the most difficult things in life.  Whether it's waiting for a diagnosis, waiting for a proposal, waiting for a response from a job interview, waiting when there is threat of imminent danger...waiting is difficult.  This morning however, I was awakened at 3:30 AM.  I am an early riser but the days of me waking up at 4:15 everyday are behind me since retirement. So I am wondering "why" am I awake this early?  You know when you get that nudging to go do something? Well, I had that nudging....but I knew what that "something" was.  So, I started the coffee, picked up my Bible, and settled in. 

I found that my devotion this morning was in Isaiah 40 and once I started, I could not stop.  The King of Assyria, in all his pride and arrogance has threatened Jerusalem's King Hezekiah
 [Isaiah 36].  Now there was threat of imminent danger but only to Hezekiah because God had already taken care of it. 

In our minds, some things can get huge and out of our control.  We don't have answers or direction and certainly don't have a plan.  Hezekiah simply "tore his clothes and put on a sackcloth and went into the temple of the Lord" [Isaiah 37:1] as was the custom of the time. Sometimes, we can let fear and uncertainty overtake us.  Often to the point of wanting to hide from the world. 
We need assurance, we need comfort, we need an answer.

I love the way Isaiah 40 begins as it is directed at Jerusalem...."Speak tenderly....and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed."  Hear that?  Completed....it's over!  Jerusalem has taken a beating and it does not look very promising however, what I love about this chapter is that God shows His power.  In life today, when we are overwhelmed and we feel surrounded by the enemy...God shows his power!

So the enemy marches on to attack?  All men are like grass and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.  The grass withers and the flowers fall because the breath of the Lord blows on them [V6-7]. We go on the offensive, we want an arsenal, we fortify walls...God  stops them with a single breath.
You feel out of control because whatever haunts you is bigger than you and nothing can stop it? See, the Sovereigh Lord comes with power and his arm rules for him [V10]. Whatever it is, however big it is, however powerful it may seem....He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing[V23]. It is not to big for God to handle.

 The things that seem huge to us, I mean really huge like an opposing army marching against us, are nothing to a powerful God like ours.  In His time, He revealed his answer to Hezakiah. In His time, His glory will be revealed. In His time, he will reveal His answer to us as well. Perhaps He already has. Time to soar!

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:29-31

I'll be home for Christmas

We have had a difficult time this season but we are not alone.  It started with a friend of mine losing her "granny." Then I lost my endeared uncle and my brother lost his grandmother by marriage.  Another dear friend of mine just lost her sister. 

I discovered this poem and I just want to share:

I'll be home for Christmas
So please don't be so sad,
This is the greatest Christmas
That I ever had.
I'll be home for Christmas,
So please don't grieve too long,
In Heaven here with Jesus,
Is where we all belong.
The world is full of struggles,
No matter where you roam,
But please don't be discouraged;
The world is not our home.
I'll be home for Christmas,
And one day, so will you,
The angels all are waiting,
and I'll be waiting too.

Alda Maria Dicksons

Last becomes First!

I have said this before...I love books.  During "black Friday" I went to the Half Price Books Store because they were giving gift cards to the first 100 people.  They opened at 7 so I felt safe when I drove by at 6:15 and there was no one in line.  However, when I returned at 7:50, there must have been 100 people in line already.  I got in line anyway chanting "don't let me be last, don't let me be last, don't let me be last."  I was one of the last three to get a bag and gift card.  I left feeling proud of myself for having accomplished that and getting a good deal on a gift.  Most of all, I was glad I was not last. 

There's only one thing worse than being last....that's being the one behind the "last" one.  I was driving down a street watching a policeman directing traffic leaving a large church.  He was swinging his arm allowing multiple cars to exit from the parking lot.  As one car neared the exit, he allowed several other cars to get ahead of him and then...the policeman did it.  He allowed the last car to go through and then he held his hand up and stopped the remaining cars.  What must that car have thought...."I missed it by one...If I wouldn't have allowed those cars ahead of me I could have gone...why couldn't the policeman have just let one more car go, I would have made it..." 

As I thought of this, I drove past them and thought "Wow mister....you are not last....you are now  first!  You get to lead the group when the policeman allows traffic to flow again!"

Sometimes, it pays to be last...especially when it turns into an opportunity to lead because you are now first.

So the last will be first, and the first will be last.  Matthew 20:16

As Is

We have all had moments where we have felt that our bow was "unstrung."  That's where I was a few years ago.  I came across Job 30:11 Now that God has unstrung my bow and afflicted me...  As a result, I went on a mission.  I was bound and determined that I was going to teach a lesson on this verse but I needed the prop.  I love thrift stores and second hand stores.  I love those perfect finds and I was sure I could find a bow sommmmmewhere that would be just what I needed without me having to turn it into what I needed.

Shouldn't be too difficult to do right? Find a bow with a broken string.  So I set out to find it.  I could have gone out and bought a new one and made it into what I needed, but I wanted one that had already sufferred through the war.   I looked at all my personal favorite thrift stores and garage sales, anywhere I travelled I sought out thrift store because it had to be what I needed.  I can tell you about thrift stores in San Diego, San Antonio, Dallas, Fredericksburg and many more.  However, one day right here in Cleveland, I went into a thrift store and there it was!  I did not have to go far!  I finally found it.  I picked it up and I just felt it!  It was perfect.  What drew me to it was the blue sign attached to it which read AS IS.

I thought "As Is?"  How silly "As Is" is how I need it! Just like a bomb shell it hit me...."As Is" is just how God needs me.  I had been running around trying to find this "perfect" item and trying to be this "perfect" woman and in my brokenness, God delivered the message that He wanted me just as I was.  In His perfection and Holiness, he would use me to be what He needed me to be. 

We are coming into a season where God called Mary to be the mother of our Savior.  She did not ask for time to get ready, she did not question, she did not concern herself with what Joseph might have thought.  She willingly accepted and God used her just as she was. 

Several years have passed since that "unstrung bow" but life continues to throw it's challenges.  My prayer is that I will spend less time trying to be what I think I need to be, spend less time trying to be picture perfect, spend less time trying to fix me and voluntarily allow God to use me "As Is."

I am the Lord's servant Mary answered.  "May it be to me as you have said."  Luke 1:38

I'm falling apart....

In 1998 I came to my current church.  It was at that time that I realized, really realized that I needed a Savior.  Not having a Bible, I proceeded to the Christian Book Store to purchase one.  I loved it!  I wore it out.  I was so hungry for His Word that soon the pages began to tear in the middle, the binding was wearing out, and sections fell out of it.  I didn't care.  Elmers glue worked fine and I used plenty of it. 

Eventually, some of the pages were stuck too close to the binding and it made it difficult to read in some sections.  A friend told me that I could have it rebound however, I would have to remove the stickers of my son's pictures I had on the inside binder so I opted against it.  I just kept using it.  A couple of years ago I had no choice...I had to purchase a new one.  It was the same type, same color, same everything except for a larger print. 

Wow-what a challenge.  Suddenly, scriptures were not where I was used to them being.  They had moved from the second column at the top to the first column at the bottom.  I had to re-learn where everything was all over again.  I did not like this and often [still] go to my old Bible for reference.  Well it's been almost three years and guess what....my Bible is falling apart!  I don't know that I can do that again. Unless I get one exactly like the one I currently have, I will have to learn it all over again.  I love opening my Bible and going right to the scripture I want....if I get a new one, I lose my writings and my underlines and my notes.  Can I really do that?

Here's the deal.  The Bible will always guide me....it will always be that light that leads me.  What I have found is that when I transitioned to my "new" Bible, I read the same scriptures but they had different meaning in my life.  Different circumstances, life changes, events, losses and even things that caused me to fall apart-God's Word carried me through.  It did not matter that the binding was lose, the pages were worn, the writing was faded or even smeared. My Bible is falling apart but because I stay in it....I will not!


Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light unto my path.  Psalm 119:105

Familiar or intimate?

I was asked to sing at an event where gospel hymns and contemporary music as we know it are not common.  I prayed about the selection of music and struggled with which song to go with.  I decided that I would sing How Great Thou Art because who doesn't know that?  Everyone is familiar with that hymn.

My heart however, told me otherwise.  My heart told me to sing a hymn that would not at all be familiar to the guests but the message was wonderful.  What a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see, when I look upon his face the one who saved me by his grace....Wow-I loved it but my heart still said "familiar."

That got me to thinking how many of us feel like "being familiar" with Christ is enough.  It is not.  God does not call us to be familiar with Him....He calls us to an intimate relationship with Him.  Knowing and serving Christ requires intimacy.  How do we get there?  Read His Word daily, meditate on it, never lose sight of it...that is more than being familiar with it.  That reminds me of another hymn that says When we walk with the Lord in the light of His word....that is more than familiarity-that is intimacy!  

Do not let this book of the Law depart from your mouth, meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.  Joshua 1:8  

What's it worth?

This weekend we went to a small town that we love to visit.  Fredericksburg is cozy and relaxing.  I did one of my favorite things...spent "forever" in a used bookstore.  I love that this bookstore has books that were copy written many, many years ago.  Some of these are books that someone either didn't want anymore or they came from some estate sale.  As I entered the store, I took in the atmosphere of old, worn books.  My favorite are novels and self help but since I had already purchased a Zig Ziglar and Stormie O'Martian book this weekend, I went to the reference section.

There I saw it....a Bible Encyclopedia.  It was a thick maroon book and I skimmed through the pages knowing I just had to have it.  As if that wasn't enough, I found a matching Bible Commentary.  Both books combined were heavier that I care to carry for too long.  The books are marked with an index card that states the name, copywrite year, and price so I scanned the entire book for the index card and you guessed it...no card...which means no sale!  The owner was not there so the clerk couldn't even ask him.  He was on his way back to the store and the clerk did not know the price.  In looking at the surrounding books, the average price for a book of that volume was about 35.00.  I wanted the book!  Worse yet, I wanted them both.  The clerk advised me that she could not sell them without a price.  I gave her my phone number and left the store like a new mom leaving her newborn behind.

I then told my husband that I was prepared to pay up to 60.00 for the two books.  I really wanted them....it was worth it to me to have them in my library.  We are beginning a series on the book of Numbers in Bible Study and I just knew these would help me.  Within minutes my phone rang-it was the owner with a price. Excited that he called back I was prepared for him to say $75.00 to which I would have to bargain.  Instead he asked "How about $10.00 each?"  Ten dollars each!!! Wow!  What a deal.  To someone those books held no value, they gave them away to the bookstore.  To me, they held a wealth of information making them very valuable. 

How many times do we walk around questioning our worth?  No one loves me, I lost my best friend, I'm getting older, I have an empty nest....who would want me?  And yet, to God, we are the most valued in all creation.  He loves you more than you could ever imagine.  To God you are valuable, you hold worth, you have potential and you are loved. How much are you worth?  To God....you are worth everything and He was willing to demonstrate that by paying the price for you!

Sparrows are not forgotten by God.  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.  Luke 12: 6-7