Brush their hair

This morning I heard The Hairbrush Story by Beth Moore.  It explained about her experience with a man at the airport and brushing his hair.  I have been thinking recently about brushing hair, trimming nails, combing hair, changing clothes....not mine, that of the elderly.  I am compelled to write on this based on a story shared by my son's stepmom.

I have aging parents and these things are not my forte.  I do not do them well.  I find it difficult to comb my mother's hair or trim her nails or fix her make-up.  On the other hand, I have a sister who excells in this.  Two major differences.  I was in law enforcement where I built a wall against emotions and she is a nurse where she welcomes caring for others.  I have always used that as my "excuse" for thirty years.  Now that I am retired and see mom alot more, it is changing.  I have discovered another reason for having difficulty in doing those things and it is one that was foreign to me but now very clear.

You see, I remember a vibrant, youthful mom.  One that took control; one that corraled her five kids like little chicks in a fenced yard; one that fought for the right; and one that instilled values in her family.  The one time I combed her hair, I was so overwhelmed with having lost that mom that I just find it difficult to do. 

Five years ago, my mother-in-law had a stroke.  Prior to passing away, I was faced with the challenge of "taking care of her in the hospital."  Remember, I had never done this before with my own mother.  I will tell you that my heart was changed.  I cleaned her face, applied lotion, combed her hair.  That only lasted for ten days but I live with no regrets, in fact, I am grateful I did it.

I have a father-in-law that is 97 years old and is so independent, praise God we have not found ourselves in that position yet but I will tell you this....I will clean his house, wash his dishes or clean his toilets any day but will probably find it difficult to comb his hair or brush his teeth.  Why is that?  For me it is the emotion.  I know it is an excuse but for thirty years, if I didn't get "emotionally involved" then I would not hurt when something happened. I will tell you that is a false belief!

My son's step mom, Melinda told me a story that was very impacting.  She expressed that they would have to move her mother-in-law from her lifetime home almost 1200 miles away, to Houston.  She has gotten to the point that she needs assistance with daily life.  These decisions can be life impacting for everyone involved.  There are full time jobs, schedules, children, and so many other things to consider.  Where will she live, who will take care of her, how will this work?  Having worked many of those things out, they brought her here and began a new leg to this journey.  Melinda explained that she knew her heart was not in this.  That reinforced in me what I had done, I hardened my heart with my own mom.  I decided that if I had no "soft heart" no emotion, then there would be no pain...wrong.  God's word says:

Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need.  But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these whould learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.  1 Timothy 5:3-4

Melinda went on to say that reluctantly she went to her mother-in-law's new home and discovered that she needed assistance washing her hair.  She proceeded to wash her hair and our son walked into the room.  He helped by bringing in the shampoo.  Melinda went on to describe the overwhelming feeling she had as she slowly felt her hardened heart melting with the washing of her mother-in-law's hair.  She explained what a blessing it was to experience that change of heart and what an added blessing it was to have this teenage son, the next generation, stand with her as he witnessed it.  It is important to model what God expects of us.

While Melinda may think her heart was the only changing, that act impacted others too.  I will never forget the phone call where she told me the story and expressed gratitude...her words were "God changed my heart."  In dealing with aging parents, it is important for us to let them know today that they are important. 

I  will use this as a testimony to change my own actions.  There will never be enough time to take a parent to lunch, take them to the nail salon, take them to the hairdresser.  Unfortunately, I wish I would have taken my mom to the mall when she could walk without difficulty, I wish I would have taken her to a movie when she could see and hear better, I wish....

Don't let a heart of stone keep you from loving on your aging parents.  Ask God to change your heart today.  Today is the day-go brush their hair!


I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.  Ezekiel 36:26

Special thanks to Melinda Eller for her contribution to today's blog.