It wasn't easy...

Ahhhh it is finally here.  The eve of a new beginning.  The close of another chapter.  It is finally here.  There have been joys, there have been sorrows, there have been losses and there have been accomplishments.  Alas, it is soon behind us.  In reflecting back on the last 365 days, I have had some disappointments but there has been much more happiness.  This is the year I left my much loved job of 30 years, this is the year our first headed off to college...with two others close behind.  This is the year that is now "the past."

I have learned many lessons.  I have learned that I have a plan but God is the ultimate authority and plan as I may, He often takes me in another direction.  I have made many new friends, lost many old friends, and continue to pray for the existing friends.  I have developed a love and a passion for ministering to women and the enemy often gets in the way.  I am often amazed at who the enemy will use in an effort to complete his plan but never amazed that God is always the victor.

One of the most humbling experiences came out of a ladies bible study class I facilitated this fall.  I chose to facilitate a class based on the book Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall.  A friend gave me that book three years ago and asked me to read it at a time I had no desire to read, much less forgive.  I began the class with three ladies that had been in my class before and several new ladies.  I was moving right along and enjoying the class until I told a personal story.  I saw the faces of these ladies and one popped up and asked a question that pretty much stunned me. 

You see, I was dealing with my own forgiveness issues.  Have you ever gone on a mission to "rescue someone" and then discover that it's your issue and you should deal with you first? Once they heard my story, these ladies held me accountable and weekly asked if I had taken care of my situation.  I can not thank them enough for the doors they helped open in my life.

My issue was my mother.  For so many years, there was anger, animosity, envy, and bitterness between these two women....a mother and daughter.  The mother envied the daughters freedom; the daughter carried bitterness of her childhood.  There was no "my mother is my best friend" attitude.  The further away I got, the better off I was.  There was constant criticism about fashion, weight, make-up, employment and life choices and it was never ending.  It was fuel to an everburning fire.  There were never kind words and "I love you" were foreign words and never said. 

Honoring that parent was difficult and while "respecting my elder" did exist, that respect exuded rebellion and animosity.  So, in sharing this with these ladies, the question was asked "what about you?"  To which I responded "What about me?" Oh Oh....I knew what was coming.  "When are you going to forgive your mom and move on?"  As a leader, much is expected.  I take my leadership role very serious and pray that God will find me acceptable to lead these women.  So, I took the challenge and began praying about approaching my mother.  I thought I was  "knowledgeable" of forgiveness as I had done my share recently but what I found was I just couldn't approach mom. She had built this wall of "matriarchal rule" that made it impossible to penetrate.  However, what I found was a softening of my heart as I taught Total Forgiveness and attempted to live it. 

I had three opportunities to "do it" and I blew all three.  I ran away.  Once, I was grateful my dad walked in from work and I could make a quick exit.  Forgiveness is never easy but one thing we learned in this class is that forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for us!  It is to set us free.  When I was finally able to sit with mom one on one and discuss this with her, I found that "the veil was removed." What freedom we both experienced.  I saw my mother through the eyes of my siblings which often encouraged forgiveness.  I can not believe I carried this anger and bitterness all these years.  Through conversation, I was able to learn so much from mom and why she did some of the things she did.  It could not have been easy to be 17 years old with a toddler, a newborn and no job with dad in the army.  It couldn't have been easy to be 28 years old and have five children.  It couldn't have been easy....but she loved me. 

I have enjoyed my time with her immensely!  I get to visit with her several times a week and we often get some hearty laughs.  I believe I had reservations about approaching her because I "feared" her response.  I did not have the confidence that she would be receptive.  What I failed to take in consideration that God was at the heart of it.

As we begin the new year, consider this: You answer to God for your actions.  So as we begin this new year, examine your heart [Psalm 139:23-24].  When you get beyond that, ask God to give you the strength to take action.  We are to immulate Him.  I could not go on teaching [with a clear conscious] knowing this was in my heart.

No, it wasn't easy but it couldn't have been easy for God to send His only Son to die on the cross for me.  I often listen to the  C.C. Winnans song It Wasn't Easy and I understand.  I had to go to my mother, I had to release that bitterness, I had to listen to God's voice.  It wasn't easy....but it was worth it.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colassians 3:13

Yesterday...

When I see that word, I am reminded of a song the Beatles made popular many years ago. Yesterday I took my mom shopping.  She was looking for a frame/piece of art for her den.  She already had two beautiful pieces on each side behind the couch but she needed one piece in the middle to balance it out.  In her search, I found a piece that I just fell in love with.  It said:

BELIEVE
Learn from yesterday,
Live for today,
Hope for tomorrow.

I loved it.  I had to have it. I bought it.  You see, in two days, it will be "yesterday," the close of 2011.  In reflecting, ask yourself this question "What have I learned from yesterday?"  What did I learn from events that took place in my life in 2011?  Did I make a difference yesterday or will I stay there? Dr. Tony Evans once said "The best way to kill tomorrow is to live in yesterday." 

We may have started 2011 with a plan.  We may have started with a dream, a new vision, or high hopes.  As we all know, circumstances change, plans change and dreams change,  perhaps because life takes us in another direction or unexpected circumstances overtake us.  We learn from yesterday, it is gone, it is behind us.  It will soon be a memory.  We can not change what has already taken place.  One thing will never change...the love our Savior Jesus Christ has for us.  Regardless of what took place yesterday, He is our hope for tomorrow.

We live for today, we hope for tomorrow and we make the best of each day because much too soon they will become "yesterday."

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.  Hebrews 13:8

If you don't go there....you won't get stuck

When I was still working, I travelled daily past San Jacinto River on Hwy 59 on my way home. Often when it rained [before the drought], I would see track marks where vehicles would drive down to the river to go fishing.  One day I saw a red truck stuck in the mud.  I wondered what had caused that individual to drive through the mud.  Did he really like fishing that much that he would risk getting stuck?  Or was it that he needed food to make it through the day?  Did he just want to relax and thought the chance was worth it?  One thing was sure…he did not consider the consequences and now he was stuck!

What is it that drives us?  What drives us so much that we would risk “getting stuck?”  One day my husband and I were driving through a long stretch of solitary road.  We were listening to the radio where a speaker was trying to read a verse but the interference was too strong for us to receive it.

Not being able to make out what he said, I wondered what verse was distorted by interference.  Then I wondered if that is what happens to us.  We get stuck because we do not weigh the consequences of the sin against our human desire.  The weight of our sin is heavy and when we carry it with us, we can get stuck.  I was able to determine that the verse he was reading was Psalm 1:1. We may read God’s word but we do delight in God’s law? Do we meditate on it day and night?   We allow interference to get in the way and distort His message to us.  It is our responsibility to keep from “walking in the counsel of the wicked.”   If you know its wrong, don’t do it!  Why would you willingly go into a muddy path where you stand the chance of getting stuck? If we don't go there, we can't get stuck!

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or stand in the way of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers.  But his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditates day and night" Psalm 1:1-2

What's it worth?

My husband and I had a quick but wonderful trip to Fredericksburg this weekend.  At one point, we were leaving our hotel to wonder around and I asked "Should we take the laptop?"  I was carrying my ipad so I was asking for security reasons not particularly because we would need it,  My husband responded "Yea just bring it, we'll secure it in the car."  Then for some reason I asked "What about my Bible?"  to which he responded "It should be fine."

What a statement!  The fact that we would be concerned about the security of our laptop but there would be no threat of someone taking my Bible.  In contemplating on that conversation, I thought "how sad" that someone would find a gift more precious than gold in that Bible but they would be more concerned about "quick buck" in a laptop.

I recently received a gift from my husband that I really value.  It is a Bible copy written in 1855.  Wow! I love it.  In looking through the notes and clippings, there were notes that read something like this..."Pastor Gordon's sermon April 26, 1856."  There were notations like that throughout the Bible much like I take notes.  I date my sermon notes.  My Bible is very valuable to ME although to another, it may look like a worn out, written on book. 

My prayer is that in 30 years or 40 years or even 50 years, someone will value and be touched by the notes where God really spoke to me.  Value your Bible, make it your own, and pray that someone will one day value the Word of God especially if the notes in it are written in your handwriting. 

What's it worth?  To me, everything!

I have found the Book of the Law in the temple of the Lord.  2 Kings 22:8

Someone took Jesus

Last year, I received my Master's Degree from Abilene Christian University. On our way back from graduation, we stopped at Fredericksburg.  I noticed a nativity scene at the court house lawn.  There was only one problem...someone took Jesus.

I thought how strange and what a prank.  God gave His son for us ...why would someone take Jesus.  It is not that easy to "take Jesus" from you.  God's word asks the question Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? [Romans 8:35]  The response is very clear when it reads: I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." [Romans 8:38-39]

It's just a prank when someone takes the baby Jesus from the nativity scene but I am grateful that no one can take the Jesus that God freely gave to us. 

He did not spare His own Son but gave him up for us all...Romans 8:32

Follow directions...

Yesterday I hosted a group of ladies that I hold very dear.  You have to understand the complexity of this  situation.  First, there was quite a bit of confusion when I initially set up this gathering and I gave them the wrong date.  Then, I tried to overcompensate by accomodating the original date but some have heavy social schedules and that fell by the wayside.  Finally, we got a date and just went with it.  It was a true comedy of errors.  Needless to say, I am not a social event planner. I also do not cook.

That is an understatement because I was helping my mother cook since I was eight.  I just never developed a love for cooking and I am perfectly content with someone else doing it.  So.....I called my sisters just hours before my gathering and asked what I should cook.  Lasagna was the choice.  No-not cook lasagna, bake the pre-prepared lasagna.  I can not tell you the anxiety that I dealt with the entire afternoon.  I was wringing my hands, pacing, wondering what to do.  I knew I would make some mistake and ruin it!

I could not wait for my husband to get home because he is the cook in our family.  Finally he arrived!  I shared my panic with him and he said to me "Just follow the directions on the package."  I thought....really? I did not have the confidence that it would work yet with all the confidence in the world he said "Just follow the directions..."  My anxiety multiplied when my husband told me at 4:00 it needed two hours to cook and they were set to arrive at 6:00.  As it cooked, my husband was calm and laid back and I was still pacing.

His job requires him to be "on call" and he has only been called out a hand full of times all year.  You guessed it!  He got called out.  Again, the anxiety, the nerves, the panic.  He wrote something down on a piece of paper and said "This is all you have to do...follow these directions." Of course I was thinking but what if I burn it, what it doesn't cook through, what if I ruin the night!  "Just follow these directions....and you will be fine."

When Jesus called the first disciples, they had been out fishing all day and were finally coming in.  Jesus got into one of the boats and taught the people from the boats.  When he finished speaking he went to one of them and told them to put the boat into the deep water and let down the nets for a catch [directions],  Of course, having been out all day and not having caught anything, the response was "Master, we've worked hard all day and havent caught anything...but because you say so, I will let down the nets."  Luke 5:5

If we would only follow directions....we can't go wrong.  In the end, my anxiety and panic was all wasted energy.  The lasagna was great and the company was even better.  I was confident in my husband's words...follow directions.  Even though the disciples had been out all day, they were confident in Jesus' words and they submitted to his direction. 

When they had done so, they caught such a large number of fish that their nets began to break so they signaled their partners in the other boat to come and help them, and they filled both boats so full that they began to sink.  Luke 5:6-7

Paid in full

In the last twenty four hours there have been several stories related to anonymous pay offs of layaways by "Secret Santas."  These individuals have paid off layaways both at Kmart and Walmart.  At the Walmart in Avalon, OH. a secret santa paid off $8,800.00 in layaways.

For someone or many someones, a dream will come true.  There will be gifts under the tree on Christmas morning.  What a great feeling to come prepared to make payment, only to find it has been paid in full. One lady explained the difficulty in having to make the decision of having to pay her light bill or paying off the layaway so that her children would have toys for Christmas. 

Hearing a story like that warms our heart.  We are overwhelmed with peace and content knowing some child is going to have a great Christmas.  New toys, new clothes, maybe some candy...all the gifts of someone else paying the price.

Many years ago, the price was paid for us too.  God saw us in our sinful state and saw that we could not continue to live in such state.  He also knew we were not capable of "saving ourselves."   God loves us so much that He sent His only son to lay down his life for you and for me.  He took that walk to the cross and with that walk, we were given the gift of salvation and eternal life.  The gift is free to you and because the price was paid in full.

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him, should not perish but have everlasting life.  John 3:16

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.  1 John 3:16

Prove it!

Having a 30 year background in law enforcement, I am conditioned to deal with facts, reality and evidence.  No guessing, no theory.  Evidence!  Show me and I will believe.  The life of a person may be stake.  The courts, and juries want proof.  That makes a final decision much easier....evidence.

Many in today's society are no different from me and they don't have a law enforcement background. People want proof.  They want to see it, feel it and know it.  Not having lived in Jesus' time, I did not see it, I did not personally witness it but I believe it.  My proof?  The Living Word of God.  If you need that visible proof, you are not alone. 

When Jesus first appeared to the disciples after the resurrection, they thought they were "seeing a ghost."  Jesus told them "Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds?  Look at my hands and my feet.  It is I myself! Touch me and see a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have."  When he had said this, he showed them his hands and feet. [Luke 24: 38-40] 

Many have heard of the one disciple that earned the name "Doubting Thomas"  his famous words..."Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."  Jesus had a response for him.  Then Jesus said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands, Reach out your hand and put it into my side.  Stop doubting and believe." [John 20:25, 27] 

There are many today that think like Thomas.  Many who will doubt, question, and be uncertain.  The Word of God is very clear that Christ died for our sins to offer us the gift of eternal life.  Acts 16:17 says "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved..." That's evidence, that's truth, that's proof.   I choose to believe now and pray that others do also as you may not get a chance later to say "prove it!"

Then Jesus said to him [Thomas] Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.  John 21: 29

How long?

We are always asking "how long?"  How long until the new TV is delivered?  How long until I feel better? How long until I get a new job.  I got a new perspective of "how long" today when our Bible Study teacher taught on Numbers 16. 

We as people don't like bad news.  We don't like to wait and we don't like things to slow us down.  Yet just like the Israelites, we grumble when things don't go our way.   We huff and pout, and turn our backs and may even take drastic measures.  Here the people are wailing and weeping at the uncertainty of what is to come.  They want to choose another leader and turn back to Egypt, they want to stone the "scouts" they are not happy. 

Yet Joshua son of Nun told them that the land they are to pass through is "exceedingly good"  and if God is pleased with them He will lead them to the land flowing with milk and honey....just dont rebel! [V8-9]  Still the people are frightened at the uncertainty and want to stone Joshua. Moses goes before God to seek direction and God says:

How long.... "How long will these people treat me with contempt?"  "How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them?"  Not much has changed.  Today, we can still ask that question.....how long will we treat him with contempt?  How long will people refuse to believe in God?

I pray that I will humble myself and honor God regardless of my circumstances, I  pray that I will be content in the place He has me, and perhaps then, I wont have to ask "How Long?"

The Lord said to Moses "How long will these people treat me with contempt: How long will they refuse to believe in me in spite of all the miraculous signs I have performed among them? Numnbers 16: 11

"Hidden" Treasure

What makes us covet? What makes us yearn for something we don't have? Don't we know that if we can't have it and we gain it through our own means, we have to keep it hidden?  We can't show it off- for that would reveal our sin and if we have to hide it, is it really a treasure?

When my brother Lee and I were much younger, I secretly took five dollars out of my father's pants which were lying on his bed.  I ran out of our two bedroom frame house to the farthest boundary of our yard.  I then recruited my brother to dig a hold so that we could hide the five dollar bill and when the coast was clear; we could return and retrieve the money for goodies.  Little did we know that our neighbor, and elderly lady was sitting in her screened-in porch and had witnessed everything we had done.  It was not long before she called my mother to tell her what we were up to.  We were soon discovered and we had to own up to our guilt and return the money.  I can assure you, our act did not go unpunished we were disciplined.

In telling that story these words caught my eye.  I did it in secret, I recruited another to take part in my sin I was eventually discovered, and then came the discipline.

Today, we put so much effort into hiding from God.  We still think we are running from him when all along, he sees our every move fueled by our greed and envy.  He does not confront us because he gives us every opportunity to repent on our own.  Hiding our sin only binds us to it ...it does not make it go away.

God calls us to repentance and confession....we can't hide from Him.

The Lord said to Joshua "Stand up! What are you doing on your face?"  Israel has sinned; they have violated my covenant which I commanded them to keep. They have taken some of the devoted things; they have stolen, they have lied, they have put them with their own possessions..."
Joshua 7: 10-11

When I saw in the plunder; a beautiful robe from Babylonia, two hundred shekels of silver and a wedge of gold weighing fifty shekels, I coveted them and took them.  They are hidden in the ground inside my tent, with the silver underneath.  Joshua 7:21

Read the entire story in Joshua 7

What's the catch?

Ever notice how things have a catch?  Things like “Must be present to win” or “Employees not eligible to participate.”  You have to be very careful to read the fine print.  Some people have stood in line for a sale for hours only to discover that they did not qualify or their coupon didn’t work on a specific product.

Some advertisements offer such good deals and when you get to the register you hear, "Oh that's the rebate price-you purchase the item first and then you send in for the rebate." Of the individuals that make the purchase, many do not follow through and that's how the business gains profit.  The catch is in the fine print because once you really examine the add, you see that it indeed is a "rebate" offer.

I am humbled that Christ does not have a fine print, he does not have conditions, in fact, He doesn’t even expect you to change before you come to Him.  He willingly went to the cross to ensure my salvation knowing the person that I was.  While I was a sinner, He loved me enough to say “She is my child.”   With that said, he went to the cross and demonstrated his love for me...no fine print, no catch!

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 

Time to Soar!

I love how God works.  My husband and I have been praying about direction on a situation for a while now.  Oh...we'd talk about it and say "One day God will show us" or "God will direct us" to which I sometimes ask when?

Waiting is one of the most difficult things in life.  Whether it's waiting for a diagnosis, waiting for a proposal, waiting for a response from a job interview, waiting when there is threat of imminent danger...waiting is difficult.  This morning however, I was awakened at 3:30 AM.  I am an early riser but the days of me waking up at 4:15 everyday are behind me since retirement. So I am wondering "why" am I awake this early?  You know when you get that nudging to go do something? Well, I had that nudging....but I knew what that "something" was.  So, I started the coffee, picked up my Bible, and settled in. 

I found that my devotion this morning was in Isaiah 40 and once I started, I could not stop.  The King of Assyria, in all his pride and arrogance has threatened Jerusalem's King Hezekiah
 [Isaiah 36].  Now there was threat of imminent danger but only to Hezekiah because God had already taken care of it. 

In our minds, some things can get huge and out of our control.  We don't have answers or direction and certainly don't have a plan.  Hezekiah simply "tore his clothes and put on a sackcloth and went into the temple of the Lord" [Isaiah 37:1] as was the custom of the time. Sometimes, we can let fear and uncertainty overtake us.  Often to the point of wanting to hide from the world. 
We need assurance, we need comfort, we need an answer.

I love the way Isaiah 40 begins as it is directed at Jerusalem...."Speak tenderly....and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed."  Hear that?  Completed....it's over!  Jerusalem has taken a beating and it does not look very promising however, what I love about this chapter is that God shows His power.  In life today, when we are overwhelmed and we feel surrounded by the enemy...God shows his power!

So the enemy marches on to attack?  All men are like grass and all their glory is like the flowers of the field.  The grass withers and the flowers fall because the breath of the Lord blows on them [V6-7]. We go on the offensive, we want an arsenal, we fortify walls...God  stops them with a single breath.
You feel out of control because whatever haunts you is bigger than you and nothing can stop it? See, the Sovereigh Lord comes with power and his arm rules for him [V10]. Whatever it is, however big it is, however powerful it may seem....He brings princes to naught and reduces the rulers of this world to nothing[V23]. It is not to big for God to handle.

 The things that seem huge to us, I mean really huge like an opposing army marching against us, are nothing to a powerful God like ours.  In His time, He revealed his answer to Hezakiah. In His time, His glory will be revealed. In His time, he will reveal His answer to us as well. Perhaps He already has. Time to soar!

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:29-31

I'll be home for Christmas

We have had a difficult time this season but we are not alone.  It started with a friend of mine losing her "granny." Then I lost my endeared uncle and my brother lost his grandmother by marriage.  Another dear friend of mine just lost her sister. 

I discovered this poem and I just want to share:

I'll be home for Christmas
So please don't be so sad,
This is the greatest Christmas
That I ever had.
I'll be home for Christmas,
So please don't grieve too long,
In Heaven here with Jesus,
Is where we all belong.
The world is full of struggles,
No matter where you roam,
But please don't be discouraged;
The world is not our home.
I'll be home for Christmas,
And one day, so will you,
The angels all are waiting,
and I'll be waiting too.

Alda Maria Dicksons

Last becomes First!

I have said this before...I love books.  During "black Friday" I went to the Half Price Books Store because they were giving gift cards to the first 100 people.  They opened at 7 so I felt safe when I drove by at 6:15 and there was no one in line.  However, when I returned at 7:50, there must have been 100 people in line already.  I got in line anyway chanting "don't let me be last, don't let me be last, don't let me be last."  I was one of the last three to get a bag and gift card.  I left feeling proud of myself for having accomplished that and getting a good deal on a gift.  Most of all, I was glad I was not last. 

There's only one thing worse than being last....that's being the one behind the "last" one.  I was driving down a street watching a policeman directing traffic leaving a large church.  He was swinging his arm allowing multiple cars to exit from the parking lot.  As one car neared the exit, he allowed several other cars to get ahead of him and then...the policeman did it.  He allowed the last car to go through and then he held his hand up and stopped the remaining cars.  What must that car have thought...."I missed it by one...If I wouldn't have allowed those cars ahead of me I could have gone...why couldn't the policeman have just let one more car go, I would have made it..." 

As I thought of this, I drove past them and thought "Wow mister....you are not last....you are now  first!  You get to lead the group when the policeman allows traffic to flow again!"

Sometimes, it pays to be last...especially when it turns into an opportunity to lead because you are now first.

So the last will be first, and the first will be last.  Matthew 20:16

As Is

We have all had moments where we have felt that our bow was "unstrung."  That's where I was a few years ago.  I came across Job 30:11 Now that God has unstrung my bow and afflicted me...  As a result, I went on a mission.  I was bound and determined that I was going to teach a lesson on this verse but I needed the prop.  I love thrift stores and second hand stores.  I love those perfect finds and I was sure I could find a bow sommmmmewhere that would be just what I needed without me having to turn it into what I needed.

Shouldn't be too difficult to do right? Find a bow with a broken string.  So I set out to find it.  I could have gone out and bought a new one and made it into what I needed, but I wanted one that had already sufferred through the war.   I looked at all my personal favorite thrift stores and garage sales, anywhere I travelled I sought out thrift store because it had to be what I needed.  I can tell you about thrift stores in San Diego, San Antonio, Dallas, Fredericksburg and many more.  However, one day right here in Cleveland, I went into a thrift store and there it was!  I did not have to go far!  I finally found it.  I picked it up and I just felt it!  It was perfect.  What drew me to it was the blue sign attached to it which read AS IS.

I thought "As Is?"  How silly "As Is" is how I need it! Just like a bomb shell it hit me...."As Is" is just how God needs me.  I had been running around trying to find this "perfect" item and trying to be this "perfect" woman and in my brokenness, God delivered the message that He wanted me just as I was.  In His perfection and Holiness, he would use me to be what He needed me to be. 

We are coming into a season where God called Mary to be the mother of our Savior.  She did not ask for time to get ready, she did not question, she did not concern herself with what Joseph might have thought.  She willingly accepted and God used her just as she was. 

Several years have passed since that "unstrung bow" but life continues to throw it's challenges.  My prayer is that I will spend less time trying to be what I think I need to be, spend less time trying to be picture perfect, spend less time trying to fix me and voluntarily allow God to use me "As Is."

I am the Lord's servant Mary answered.  "May it be to me as you have said."  Luke 1:38

I'm falling apart....

In 1998 I came to my current church.  It was at that time that I realized, really realized that I needed a Savior.  Not having a Bible, I proceeded to the Christian Book Store to purchase one.  I loved it!  I wore it out.  I was so hungry for His Word that soon the pages began to tear in the middle, the binding was wearing out, and sections fell out of it.  I didn't care.  Elmers glue worked fine and I used plenty of it. 

Eventually, some of the pages were stuck too close to the binding and it made it difficult to read in some sections.  A friend told me that I could have it rebound however, I would have to remove the stickers of my son's pictures I had on the inside binder so I opted against it.  I just kept using it.  A couple of years ago I had no choice...I had to purchase a new one.  It was the same type, same color, same everything except for a larger print. 

Wow-what a challenge.  Suddenly, scriptures were not where I was used to them being.  They had moved from the second column at the top to the first column at the bottom.  I had to re-learn where everything was all over again.  I did not like this and often [still] go to my old Bible for reference.  Well it's been almost three years and guess what....my Bible is falling apart!  I don't know that I can do that again. Unless I get one exactly like the one I currently have, I will have to learn it all over again.  I love opening my Bible and going right to the scripture I want....if I get a new one, I lose my writings and my underlines and my notes.  Can I really do that?

Here's the deal.  The Bible will always guide me....it will always be that light that leads me.  What I have found is that when I transitioned to my "new" Bible, I read the same scriptures but they had different meaning in my life.  Different circumstances, life changes, events, losses and even things that caused me to fall apart-God's Word carried me through.  It did not matter that the binding was lose, the pages were worn, the writing was faded or even smeared. My Bible is falling apart but because I stay in it....I will not!


Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light unto my path.  Psalm 119:105

Familiar or intimate?

I was asked to sing at an event where gospel hymns and contemporary music as we know it are not common.  I prayed about the selection of music and struggled with which song to go with.  I decided that I would sing How Great Thou Art because who doesn't know that?  Everyone is familiar with that hymn.

My heart however, told me otherwise.  My heart told me to sing a hymn that would not at all be familiar to the guests but the message was wonderful.  What a day that will be when my Jesus I shall see, when I look upon his face the one who saved me by his grace....Wow-I loved it but my heart still said "familiar."

That got me to thinking how many of us feel like "being familiar" with Christ is enough.  It is not.  God does not call us to be familiar with Him....He calls us to an intimate relationship with Him.  Knowing and serving Christ requires intimacy.  How do we get there?  Read His Word daily, meditate on it, never lose sight of it...that is more than being familiar with it.  That reminds me of another hymn that says When we walk with the Lord in the light of His word....that is more than familiarity-that is intimacy!  

Do not let this book of the Law depart from your mouth, meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.  Joshua 1:8  

What's it worth?

This weekend we went to a small town that we love to visit.  Fredericksburg is cozy and relaxing.  I did one of my favorite things...spent "forever" in a used bookstore.  I love that this bookstore has books that were copy written many, many years ago.  Some of these are books that someone either didn't want anymore or they came from some estate sale.  As I entered the store, I took in the atmosphere of old, worn books.  My favorite are novels and self help but since I had already purchased a Zig Ziglar and Stormie O'Martian book this weekend, I went to the reference section.

There I saw it....a Bible Encyclopedia.  It was a thick maroon book and I skimmed through the pages knowing I just had to have it.  As if that wasn't enough, I found a matching Bible Commentary.  Both books combined were heavier that I care to carry for too long.  The books are marked with an index card that states the name, copywrite year, and price so I scanned the entire book for the index card and you guessed it...no card...which means no sale!  The owner was not there so the clerk couldn't even ask him.  He was on his way back to the store and the clerk did not know the price.  In looking at the surrounding books, the average price for a book of that volume was about 35.00.  I wanted the book!  Worse yet, I wanted them both.  The clerk advised me that she could not sell them without a price.  I gave her my phone number and left the store like a new mom leaving her newborn behind.

I then told my husband that I was prepared to pay up to 60.00 for the two books.  I really wanted them....it was worth it to me to have them in my library.  We are beginning a series on the book of Numbers in Bible Study and I just knew these would help me.  Within minutes my phone rang-it was the owner with a price. Excited that he called back I was prepared for him to say $75.00 to which I would have to bargain.  Instead he asked "How about $10.00 each?"  Ten dollars each!!! Wow!  What a deal.  To someone those books held no value, they gave them away to the bookstore.  To me, they held a wealth of information making them very valuable. 

How many times do we walk around questioning our worth?  No one loves me, I lost my best friend, I'm getting older, I have an empty nest....who would want me?  And yet, to God, we are the most valued in all creation.  He loves you more than you could ever imagine.  To God you are valuable, you hold worth, you have potential and you are loved. How much are you worth?  To God....you are worth everything and He was willing to demonstrate that by paying the price for you!

Sparrows are not forgotten by God.  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.  Luke 12: 6-7

Joy in the mourning

It has been a wild rollercoaster ride.  Since my uncle passed away, my sisters have rallied with me to minister to my cousins.  We were just settling in for the weekend when we received a call from my brother.  His grandmother by marriage was in the hospital for a heart attack.  She was not just any grandmother, my brother's wife grew up with her.  They spent endless days together and lived just a short distance apart and within 24 hours she was gone. 

We do not know what tomorrow holds for us but I do know this, I have the promise of eternal life.  That is what I desire for my relatives.  Though they mourn today, tomorrow they will rejoice as they have the hope of seeing their loved one once again.  As the world continues to go on around us, tonight and tomorrow we will be saying our final goodbyes.  Praise God we will see him again and very soon, our mourning and grief will turn to joy.

Thank you for your prayers!

I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices.  You will grieve but your grief will turn to joy.  John 16:20

He's Gone

For a week now we have been monitoring my Uncle David who was placed on hospice last week.  It has been an arduous responsibility.  My cousins have been awake with him around the clock.  We walk in and his bedroom is the first bedroom on the right.  With the door open, you could see him in his bed.  Yesterday, my uncle lost his battle with cancer.  I went to be with my cousins in the middle of the night.  With the technicalities completed, I was not aware that he had been removed and when I walked past his room and glanced left, I saw that the bed was empty and I knew he was home.

The bed is empty
The man is gone,
God has come
to take him home.
His daughters watch
Grandchildren grieve,
Now he is gone
Who would believe.
A man whose home
Became our own
And God has come
To take him home.
A man well loved
with open arms
Protected all of us
From harms.
Yes the bed is empty
and man is gone,
God has come
to lead him home.

(C) 2011 Barfield, All Rights Reserved

Today I am thankful for all the years I had with my uncle, I am thankful for his demonstration of love for others, and I am thankful that he is no longer suffering. 

Let it go

I recently read a story of a little girl who was so upset with her mother that she went and sat on a pier to get away.  As she was there, her mother kept a watchful eye from the house.  She observed the daughter playing with a beach ball and would often lift her gaze to ensure she was still there.  The little girl often wore a neon orange swim cap and was easily recognized. 

In flash, when mom looked up again, the daughter was gone.  Her mother ran to the pier to find her.  It was then she discovered the beach ball and the orange swim cap in the water.  Her daughter screamed frantically driving her mom to jump in the water to save her.  As the mom fought a rip tide she reached her daughter who was out of control with fear.  Their fear, along with the rip tide made it difficult for them to reach the shore.  The mother cried out with fear as her strength failed her.  Eventually, a neighbor came to their rescue and was able to get them to shore. A few hours later when the dust had settled and the little girl was put to bed, her mom asked her "Why did you go in the water without my permission?"  and her daughter responded "The beach ball fell in the water and I did not want to let it go."

I have thought of the many things we hold on to when God is telling us to just let it go.  And when we let go and we see we have no control, we take matters into our own hands and go after it.  Despite the pain or jeopardy it places us in.  Let it go.  Let go of that bad relationship, animosity, unforgiveness and bitterness.  And do not go after it!

In the Old Testament, God called Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac.  As difficult as it must have been, Abraham was obedient believing that God would provide the lamb.  Abraham could have made the decision to hold on to his son, bargain with God, or flee.  Instead he let go and God was faithful! Whatever it is, the time has come....let it go!

"Do not lay a hand on the boy," He said.  "Do not do anything to him.  Now I know that you fear God because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." Genesis 22:

It smells!

Ever been in a place and someone walks past you and you can smell the fragrance they are wearing?  I can walk into my son's room and smell his cologne long after he has left for school.  I have walked into stores and walked past  fragrance counters only to smell the most plesant perfumes and colognes. 

I love plesant smells.  I will not put a load of laundry in the dryer unless the fabric softner has been added first.  Why?  Because upon drying, the clothes smell so nice.  It's great picking up a towel with that plesant smell and knowing it's because it was dryed with fabric softener in it. 

I also use a specific shampoo and conditioner.  Not only because they are effective but because when I have dried my hair, hours later it still smells of that plesant.  So where am I going with this? 

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. " [2 Corthians 2:14]

What a pleasant fragrance to be able to represent Christ because we know him better.  The God who leads us in triumphal procession....He goes before us.  He leads the way and He has provided us with the knowlege we need in His Word, the Bible.  However, along with knowing Him goes responsibility.  The responsibility of accurately representing Him.   I want to be the aroma of Christ.  I want to represent.  Will others recognize my fragrance as being that of Jesus Christ?

We are to be the aroma of Christ both to those who are saved and those who are perishing....I have to ask myself if I accomplish that daily?  Do people recognize the fragrance or smell a stench of worldiness?  Do I smell good one day and fall to the pressures of the world the next?  Do I smell like gossip, lies, backstabbing or envy? Do others say "what a plesant fragrance"  or "It smells!"

My prayer is that I would walk with the fragrance of life, life that comes from Jesus Christ.

For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death, to the other, the fragrance of life.  2 Corthians 2:15-16

It's broken

The other day, I pulled into my driveway and saw a beautiful yellow flower on my hibiscus bush.  I remember having a previous hibiscus plant that I really loved.  It also produced a beautiful yellow flower.  It pained me to have to trim it. It looked horrible when I trimmed the branches. I missed my beautiful yellow flowers.  Last year during a freeze, we lost that hibiscus plant.

In the spring, we proceeded to purchase new hibiscus.  I love the plant so much that I bought seven for the back yard and two for the front yard.  I meticuloulously searched for each plant.  Some had buds, some just green leaves. I visualized where every one would be planted but for the front, in order to replace the one I previously had, it had to be yellow. We got to the yellow buds and my husband held up plant after plant....no, no, no.  At one point I told him "Not that one, that one's broken, I dont want a broken one."

Now, I think back on that time and am grateful that God has never said "I don't want a broken one."  When King David sinned against God, he cried out to God in his emptyness and he took comfort in singing praises to God.  I have to believe that at one time or another each of us has experienced brokenness...regardless of the degree, God is accepting of us.  His love for us never changes even if circumstances do.

I planted that new hibiscus bush in the same place as the other one and it did not disappoint me.  I now have  beautiful yellow flowers.   In our brokenness, if we trust our life to God, He will not disappoint.  He will love you, comfort you, and accept you just as you are.  Like the hibiscus flower he will bring you a new beginning.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.  The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God you will not despise.  Psalm 51:16-17

Turn back the time

I had my follow-up appointment for my hand injury today.  The doctor said I had two options and he proceeded to describe each.  I could do nothing but sit there and cry.  The doctor asked "What is going on? I see tears..why tears?"  I responded "I just want to turn back time so that this would have never happened."

We were in San Diego this week.  The first thing we did when we arrived there was turn back the time.  I wanted to turn back the time on my injury.  I wanted to change what took place.  I wanted to have stayed in bed and not gotten up.  I was so sad that now I had to make a choice-one of which which would require a six week recovery.  I cried that I could not type, I cried that I could not drive, I cried that I had to make a choice and I cried that in two hours I had to give a presentation and did not feel ready...I just wanted to turn back the time.

As God always does, I went to my presentation and gave my excuses for my limitations in presentating my material to which one lady displayed her scar of stitches on her right wrist where she had fallen and broken a bone.  The other lady explained she has not had the use of her right hand/arm for years and has been totally dependent on her left arm.  I had to ask myself  "why the tears?"  Is God teaching me a lesson in my limited use?  Is he saying that I must totally depend on Him? 

Why did I want to turn back the time?  To turn back the time would have meant missing time with my mother that morning.  Turning back the time would have meant we would not have shared stories and laughter either.  I have often thought of some of the thimgs I have done at mom's due to her limited vision.  "I have changed light bulbs on unsteady chairs, whacked tall weeds with a machete, climbed cyclone fences to retrieve articles, opened can goods with a knife, and I have never injured myself."  Here I am cleaning an lantern and it costs me a torn tendon and five stitches. 

I wanted to turn back time...instead, I should wait on God's timing.  I know the time will come when there will be no pain and I will have full use of my hand.  Until then, I will use this time to seek Him!

Sow for yourselves righteousness, reap the fruit of unfailing love and break up your unplowed ground; for it is time to seek the Lord until He comes.  Hosea 10:12

How deep is your thorn?

Life is getting better.  I can now type with my index finger and thumb on my right hand and that is a great accomplishment.  Of course what you don't know is that it takes numerous "do-overs."  Sometimes I have to type and re-type sentences.  Today I told my husband "Ok, I'm done-can we just get on with it."  The reality is that it has only been three days and there is still alot of pain and healing will take as long as it takes.  Some life lessons are learned with time.

I immediately thought of Paul and his request "...there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me..."  I am a very independent person.  My mother never learned to drive and now at 71, she still relys on others to drive her to appointments, grocery shopping, etc.  I pretty much get up and go so to get in my car and need someone to shift the gears is hard on me.  Can't hold a cup of coffee, can't sign my name and can't deal with it very well.

Paul said that he would "boast all the more about his weakness so that Christ's power may rest on me." I'm just wondering why I can't just settle down. I want to hurry and write that lesson,  I want to post quickly, I want to sign my name, brush my teeth with my right hand and waash my hair by my self.  I want to get things done.  Paul said he got a response to his pleas.  It went something like this "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I don't consider my thorn a really deep thorn but when it comes down to it, it's still a thorn and it is still "holding me up."   Despite his thorn,  Paul did not stop serving.  He relied on his strength coming from Christ. 

I pray that I will settle down and not let a thorn of five stitches slow me down.  I pray that despite my "inabilities" I will continue to allow God to use me.  I pray that I will delight in my weakness and not focus on my weakness but on God's power.   In the end,  it doesn't matter how deep the thorn is.  What matters is how deep your conviction is and whether or not you are willing to trust Him.

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why for Christ's sake I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Raise your right hand

I have just one question. One simple little question. And it's just one word...WHY? I seem to be on a roll, I had a little down time and i was excited about preparing a lesson for my Sunday School Class and then....boom! I was trying to help my mom who has very limited vision.  It's not that I feared her getting hurt, I did not think she could see the problem to fix it.  A tealight candle was stuck on a side panel of a lantern.  I tried to pry the candle off the panel and in the process, the candle came off easily but my momentum drove my hand into the lip of the lantern. Ouch. 

I did what any normal person would do-I put a band aid on it and drove home.  I knew it was not an ER injury but thought an urgent care trip might be necessary.  After an initial assessment and a trip across town, I ended up at the hand surgeon's office.  Praying my way through the visit, we discovered the tendon was cut but not all the way through.   Five stitches later, I was told that we would pray for the best and hope the tendon reattached itself.

I was pretty "bummed" I had all this quiet time to write and prepaqre and now I could do neither.  I asaked my husband "Why" but really knew the answer before I asked.  As I asked I thought of Psalm 46:10.  My husband's response was "Did you ever think that God may be wanting you to be still and listen?" "Yep" I did think of that but I still asked why. 

I now know what it is like to miss my right hand.  I can not use my fingers, can not grip, grab,grasp or even type, Cant wash my hair, eat with a fork or put make up on with my dominanant hand.  I can use my right thumb and have become resourseful in typing texts.

The perfectionist in me wants every word spelled right...i have no patience and am frustrated when I type "right" and it says "tight" My friend Tracy texted me and asked how i was and I texted "much butter" to which we both got a good chuckle.

The doctor said to keep my right hand in an raised so that the "throbbing" will stop. For years I heard "Raise your right hand" and now that I have to, it takes real effort.  I wonder why this happened.  If God would have told me to slow down I probably would have without losing the use of my hand. Really?  I have to ask myself "how many times did I not listen that it had to come to this."

My hand is still swollen, still painful, and still weak and I am frustrated that it takes me over an hour to type something I could have done in ten minutes.  I covet your prayers for the preparation of a lesson for Sunday...although there is a lesson in this! Most of all, I pray that I will be still and LISTEN to what God would have me learn during this time. In the hustle and bustle of life, we should all slow down and spend quiet time listening.   I have seen more of His beauty, heard more of His voice and learned more from His word because I have been still.

Be still and know that I am God....Psalm 46:10

Total Forgiveness

Last night was the last night of our Ladies Bible Study Class Total Forgiveness.  The class was based on a book written by R.T. Kendall.  I chose this book because it spoke to my own life.  Three years ago, a very dear friend gave me the book.  I read it immediately and applied it to my life.  It was interesting to teach from it now and see the notations I had written back then.  I could see a definite difference.

You see, I went in believing I had addressed and laid down issues of unforgiveness.  While I was not wrong, God laid on my heart other areas where unforgiveness still loomed and had done so for years.  As many humans often do, I gave it a different name such as "personality conflicts" "disagreements" "differences of opinion."  I called it everything but what it was...unforgiveness!  Through this bible study and some unbelieveable woman that held me accountable, I was able to address those issues. 

I came in with the desire of helping other women address their issues of unforgiveness because I had resolved mine.  I wanted them to share their stories and allow God to direct them in how to address their situation.  What I found was that these women were instrumental in bringing to light my issues.  I believe the lesson was in the transformation they saw in me.  I know they could see the relief, peace, happiness, and joy in my life.   So much so that we didn't want it to end. 

We learned what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not, we learned what happens when we don't forgive, we learned that we need to "drop our rock" we learned about criticism and judgment but most of all, we learned that we must forgive because 1) God calls us to do it; and 2) God forgave us. 

Forgiveness is not something we do and then put it on the shelf.  Because we interact with others daily,  because of personal relationships and because we are to be the example, it is a daily walk.  While we may think it only involves past relationships, the reality of it is that we often overlook forgiveness of a co-worker, a spouse, a child, those we deal with daily.

What a lesson learned.  What a wonderful group of women.  I am honored that God would call me to lead this class that established lasting relationships with wonderful women.  To God be the Glory!

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  Colossians 3:13

What do you see in the mirror

I discovered a new phone app called AgingBooth.  I have had so much fun with it.  I have aged everyone in my family just to see what they would look like with a few years on them.  We have had many laughs.  It reminds me of a poem I read a couple of years ago that goes something like this:

A very wierd thing has happened.  A strange old lady has moved into my house.  I have no idea who she is, where she came from or how she got in.  All I know is that one day she wasn't there and the next day, she was. 

She manages to keep out of sight for the most part but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her.  Whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body.

You get the gist of it. We have been studying the book of Romans and I taught the lesson on transformation.  I asked the question "If you look in the mirror, who will you see?"  Will you see you? Will you see a new person?  Will you see a reflection of Jesus Christ?

We put so much emphasis on how we look on the outside but Christ is more concerned about who we are on the inside.   True transformation is a process, we can't use a phone app to transform us into being "christ-like."  That is my goal, to daily grow in the Word, to live a christ like life, and to be a reflection of Him.  I guess I could begin by asking "What do you see when you look in the mirror?" I've been thinking about that for a couple of weeks and this morning, God really spoke to me with one particular verse. 

I have to remind myself that while our outer being may eventually waste away, I can not concern my self with that old lady that keeps visiting my mirror.  I have to to strive for this one thing..."When I look in the mirror, do I see his likeness!" 

And I-in righteousness-I will see your face; when I awake, I will be satisfied with seeing your likeness.
Psalm 17:15

It's in my way

I am not very computer literate.  I have difficulties and struggles with technology if it goes beyond email.  I often have to call someone to help.  I discovered something fun on my computer that allowed me to change my curser.  I saw "cursor mania" on my tool bar so I activated it.  It gave me a choice of any cursor I wanted so I chose a Bible.  As I maneuvered through my new documents however, I found this "new cursor" to be bothersome and it impeded my view of the words I had typed.  I caught myself saying "That Bible is getting in my way."

It brought me to the idea that too many people can live by the standards of this age and choose to remain there because "the Bible gets in their way."  You see, if we are to become wise, we are to get into the Bible not get rid of the Bible.

What society sees as compliance and acceptance is judged by our culture's standards not God's.  God's word says that the wisdom of this world is foolishness in his sight.  So, when referring to the Bible, why dont we say "just lead the way" instead of saying "it's in my way!"

Do not deceive yourselves.  If anyone of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a fool so that he may become wise.  For the wisdom os tihs world is foolishness in God's sight.  1 Corinthians 3:18-19

No U-Turns

During my daily route to work, I traveled through a familiar but congested road.  FM 1960 is a stretch of road that leads to many places.  In my travels, I make a left turn from 1960 onto Farrell Road.  Unfortunately, the light at this intersection is exceptionally long.  Being that it was always between 5:15 and 5:30 in the morning, drivers often circumvented the red light by getting in the next lane where the light was green, crossing the intersection and making a quick u-turn to get back onto Farrell Rd.  However, I would always sit and wait.  Guess what?  When the light eventually turned green and I went, I would usually catch up with them at the next stop. Red lights are put in place to manage traffic and allow it to flow better.  Many may view them as inconvienent and a barrier. 

In our walk with Christ, we may encounter red lights.  Those times in our life that just seem to stop us.  Maybe we lost our job, or we lost a family member, divorce or broken relationship and we have to stop and wait on God.  The question is will you stop or will you make that u-turn and do things your way.  When you find yourself in a place of waiting on God, fully trust him and know that that He is in contol.
Use that time to see God work...you can only do that if you wait.

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for Him!  Isaiah 30:18

Drop your baggage

In June 2009, I accompanied my son on a school trip to New York.  During that trip, we took several tours.  One of those was a tour of Ellis Island.  In the tour, we learned that beginning in the 1800's, many immigrants passed through Ellis Island while entering the great land of America.  They came from all parts.

In order to get through Ellis Island, each one had to go to the registry room to get processed.  "The first stop" said the tour guide "was to come in and drop their baggage."  No one made it to the registry room carrying any baggage.  It made me think how amazing it is that God says he will take our baggage. No need to carry that self-imposed, heavy baggage that we bring with us.  It must have been difficult enough to those coming into Ellis Island to a new land and now they were being asked to leave all their baggage behind.  So it is with us sometimes, we carry that baggage with us falsely believing it supports us and often making it our is our sense of security.  God says to give it him, leave it behind and He will not let you fall.  So if you're still holding on it's time to let it go...drop your baggage.

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you.  He will never let the righteous fall.  Psalm 55:22

He never sleeps

Last night I found myself sleeping alone as my husband was on an overnight trip.  My son slept quietly in his own room. I found that I could not sleep and finally dozed off at 1:00 AM.  Thirty minutes later, I was wide awake.  In my bedroom, I have a projection clock which is the best gift in the world.  I have had it for several years and I love it because the moment I open my eyes, the time is reflected on my ceiling.  That's why I can tell you I woke up several times throughout the night beginning at 1:30.

You might be asking why.  Well here's how I justify it.  My husband was gone and I was responsible for my son.  I double checked all the doors, made sure the alarm was set, had my "attack dog" in my bed and had all my lights in place. When I would check on my son, he was unaffected....he was sleeping soundly. 

It made me think about a friend that I worked with a few years back.  I came into work one day and told him a story of sleeplessness. He responded by saying "God's word says He does not sleep...there's no need for both of us to stay awake."

Here I was feeling like I needed to "stand guard" over my house which contained one of my most precious gifts-my son, and God has already said "...he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep."  That is why it is so important to be in God's word so that we know what it says.  Although I remembered Psalm 121 from quoting it in Spanish years ago, I let my insecurity get the best of me and let the enemy rob me of my sleep. 

Next time, I have a choice...stand guard and protect my household throughout the night causing me to lose sleep or trust God is covering the night shift and sleep soundly.  My choice is made because He never sleeps!

He will not let your foot slip-He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  Psalm 121:3-4

I couldn't believe he knew me...

My organization consists of 5400 law enforcement officers.  It would be difficult for the leader to know or have a working relationship with every single individual.  As such, the organization is divided into smaller groups led by four leaders that answer to the Chief.  Those individuals are responsible for large groups of employees and it would still be difficult to know every single officer.  An employee once told me that one of those leaders who is pretty high up on the chain of command came up to him and congratulated him on a nomination for Instructor of the Year. 

The employee relayed to me that he was so surprized that the leader did this because the employee had never worked under him.  "He knew me and I never worked for him, how did he know me?"

God's word says that we are engraved on the palms of his hands.  As many as are in the earthly population, he knows you by name.

Can the mother forget her baby and have no compasison on the child she has borne?  Though she may forget, I will not forget you!  See I have engraved you on the palms of my hands. 
Isaiah 49:15-16

What's done in the dark...

The other day I watched a dvd of a Tyler Perry play called What's Done in the Dark.  I loved the message of the play.

Last night was Halloween.  My husband and I don't usually acknowledge Halloween by giving out candy.  We usually volunteer to work a fall festival at the church I attended as a child however, due to it being a school night, there was no festival yesterday so we went out to dinner then came home.

Of course, we could not turn the lights on.  Our son had gone out to dinner also and we came in and sat in our living room in the dark.  Our living room is at the front of the house with large windows so we sat on the couch and watched the people in the street.  We could see everything that was going on.  We saw all the kids in costume, the parents, and even a few dressed up dogs. 

A car pulled up and parked in front of our house with a group of high school kids.  Although they could not see us, I recognized them as living at the back of our community and as members of our church.  It was easy to identify him as he wore his letter jacket and that settled all doubt.  We sat and made comments like "look at that child running in the middle of the street-where is the parent? or "look how dangerous those kids dangling from the tailgate of the truck" or "that car is going way to fast in this neighborhood." We saw individuals walking across our grass, pulling and tugging costumes, and dropping candy wrappers everywhere.

These individuals had no idea anyone was watching them.  I turned to my husband and told him "that is how we are in life."  We think we are hiding from God, think no one is watching, we think we are getting away with things...in the dark.  The rest of the title to the play is Whats Done in the Dark...always comes to the light!  We may think we are getting away with sin because no one is watching, but even in the dark, God knows who his children are and he knows what we do. Nothing goes unseen in the eyes of God. 

Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight.  Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.  Hebrews 4:13

Transformation goes deep

Yesterday I taught our Bible Study class out of Romans 12.  It was great scripture reference and gave me plenty to think about.  I spoke of my love for football and how I live for weekends when there is a game.  Of course I have my "favs" but the idea is that I just love the game.  There is only one problem....I don't really understand it.  Oh I know the terminology but I dont really know what it means.  For instance, a yellow flag means penalty but what does holding mean?   My son plays football and I can tell you when he plays because I know his number but I can't tell you much else.  I don't know "what position he plays" but I do know that if they throw the ball to him he runs with it and I cheer!

I told my class that if I put on a helmet and a jersey, I could look like a football player but I can assure you, I wouldn't do any team anygood. Merely looking like a football player would not or enhance my knowledge, thought process or ability to play football.

So it is with conforming and transforming.  Paul tells us in Romans that we are not to conform to this world but be transformed by the renewing of our minds.  We should be a reflection of Jesus Christ and that takes a change in thought process, a change in daily living and eventually a permanent life change.  Being transformed does not happen over night, I can't just put on a helmet and become a football star. Oh I could memorize the plays alright but just memorizing the plays would not amount to much.

Paul tells us to renew our minds and we do that when we are continually in God's word and when we live it out.  We should not only read God's Word for information but for transformation!  It is a continual, growing process and we must be willing to allow the Holy Spirit to work in our lives.  A real football player steps on to the field prepared to win because he knows the plays and what is expected, so should we step into to life everyday prepared for what is to come because we have been transformed and are strong enough in the Holy Spirit to not conform to the expectations of the world. 

A "transformation" that we put on and take off can also be called a costume.  Transformation is not a change on the surface, transformation goes deep.  Let your transformation be real, let it be genuine and let it be lived out daily.

Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship.  Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-his good, pleasing and perfect will.  Romans 12:1-2

Mexican Train

A dear friend of mine pointed something out to me last night.  She complimented me on this blog and then jokingly pointed out that I am a different person when we play a dominos game called "Mexican Train."  We have played for several years and only recently began playing again.  I can honestly say that I have a competitive spirit and have found my match with her.   We don't like to lose and will use whatever tactic it takes to win.  We make faces, taunt and may even chuckle at ones bad luck.  I even have a hilarious video of my friend when she is losing.  We are the quite the pair and I would say entertainment for the rest of the group.  My friend jokingly reminded me last night that I am a different person at that game. 

It honestly made me think.  It made me take a second look at myself and it emphasized how we as followers of Christ are often seen by others.  Yes this is fun, yes we act up and yes it's great fun to fellowship with others who love Christ however, when we leave the confines of our place of worship and we enter into the real world, do we reflect the love of Christ.  Are we showing more of us or of Him?

One of my favorite scriptures speaks of this specific issue.  I know that in following Christ, there must be less of me and more of Him yet competition has a way of bringing out another side of me.  My friend and I bring the perfect blend to the rest of the group who is milder and have gentler spirits because in the end, we all want to win! In striving towards that, I must reflect the fruits of the spirit...gentleness, goodness, joy, love, self-control, faith, peace, patience and kindness...that's just hard to do when playing dominos. I consider myself blessed to have such dear friends that understand our competitive spirit.  I will strive to reflect less of me and more of Him.  

Thank you dear friend for the reminder. I have only one more thing to say....bring on the train!!!

He must become greater; I must become less.  John 3:30 

Thank you to my dear friends Tracy Vetitoe and Kelly Baily for their friendship and Godly influence in my life-love you girls!

The Scarlet Cord

I was in my closet organizing my numerous scarves.  I have every color, fabric, style....I have many.  In the midst of the scarves that I was putting away, I encountered a long, red, silky ribbon.  It was not very thick but it did feel nice.  I love red ribbons.  They take me back to Joshua 2.  Joshua sent the two spies to scope out Jericho.  Once they arrived, they "entered the house of a prostitute named Rahab" and they stayed there.  When the King of Jericho asked Rahab about them, she redirected them away from her house because she had hidden them.  Having completed their mission, the spies then wanted to leave Jericho safely and needed Rahab's assistance.  She agrees.

In exchange, Rahab asked that her life and the life of her family be spared as she acknowledged "the Lord your God is God in Heaven above and on the earth below." She wanted safety, she wanted assurance, she wanted the protection of being under the one true God.  Having come to a verbal agreement the spies respond with this "This oath you made us swear will not be binding on us unless....you have tied this scarlet cord in the window..."  [Joshua 2:17]

That scarlet cord represented safety, salvation, protection and was going to liberate Rahab and her family.  It was going to identify them.  Over two-thousand years ago, God sent his Son to die on the cross so that we could be spared.  He did this out of love for you and me.  He shed his blood on that cross and because I believe through faith that he died and was resurrected on the third day, I am covered by that blood.  "In him, we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins in accordance with God's grace." [Ephesians 1:7]

Just like that scarlet cord identified Rahab, my identity is in Jesus Christ through the blood of the Lamb.  Rahab may have seen herself as a "prostitute that needing saving" but God had a bigger plan for her.  Because of her act of faith, God used her in His plan and she is listed in Matthew 1:5 as the mother of Boaz, in the genealogy of Jesus Christ. 

It all began with an act of faith and a display of that scarlet cord.

"Agreed," she replied.  "Let it be as you say."  So she sent them away and they departed.  And she tied the scarlet cord in the window." Joshua 2:21

Send someone else

In life, there are probably times when we might respond just like that.  I can remember reporting to work and getting an assignment that took me off my regular duties and me thinking..."Can't you send someone else?"  It does not change in the real world.  Perhaps God is calling us to lead a group, teach a bible study class, or host a meeting at our house with neighbors.  Decisions like that are difficult especially if we feel inadequate to handle it or if there are others with exceptional qualities that have preceeded us.

When God called on Moses to lead His people, initially, Moses wasn't very willing.  In fact he began by handing out excuses much like I do 1) Who am I that I should go? 2) What if they question me, what do I say to them? 3) I am not eloquent and I am slow of speech or "not a good communicator."  There will always be an excuse for some.  Moses not only gave excuses and he not only said send someone else...he said it in a pleading, tone please....send someone else to do it.  As a last resort even I may beg.

Despite any shortcomings I may think I have, I pray that I will be willing to submit to God's plan with the faith that He will see me through.  God told Moses "I will help you speak and will teach you what to say" and still Moses plead for God to send someone else.  What happens when there is no one else to send?  What if you are the one God chose for this purpose?  What will your response be?  Will it be one of faith and belief in His Word or will you ask Him to send someone else?

But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it.  Exodus 4:13

Change of the seasons

This weekend we were in Boston at College Family Weekend.  It was nostalgic to see our oldest enter her freshman year at college.   The landscape indicated that the season was changing as the trees were beautiful colors, the weather was cooler and surroundings were picturesque. I also noticed a change in season as we arrived to stronger hugs, more conversation and a greater value of time together. We don't really want to "send our children off" but Ecclesiastes 3 speaks of seasons.  We may enter some seasons with reservations, other seasons we may welcome with open arms.  At some point we may reminisce at seasons past and perhaps speak of seasons to come. 

I see friends with seniors this year and wonder what happened to the little toothless child.  Having one of my own, I wonder where the years went.   This is what we prepare them for and as the seasons change for them, they change for us as well.  Do not fret...it is a season and in time to come, there will be another.

A time to be born and a time to die;
A time to weep and a time to laugh.
A time to mourn and a time to dance,
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them.
A time to embrace and a time to refrain,
A time to search and a time to give up.
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
Ecclesiastes 3: 2,4-7

We place our children in the hands of our Lord and Savior believing that we have worked towards this day of letting go-just a change of seasons.

He always answers

In today's world of instant communication, we have become a society that is spoiled to "quick answers" with a low tolerance for waiting.  On this particular day, I needed an answer from a member of my family.  I called my niece on her cell phone because I had just spoken with her.  I go no answer....so I called again.  No answer.  Come on! "I just spoke wtih you...will you please answer." With no answer from my niece, I called my sister who was with her...no answer!  After numerous attempts and getting no answer, I thought "I'll call my father...he always answers."

It is true.  I have never called my father on his cell phone that he has not answered.  Likewise, I have never called my heavenly Father that he has not answered.  In fact, His word says to call on him and in His power, he will show us great and mighty things...because He always answers!

Call unto me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things which you do not know.
Jeremiah 33:3

I want my house....

Several years ago my husband and I made the rounds in this community looking for a house. We searched and searched.  We toured various homes and some were spectacular.  Some had large yards, with small homes, others small yards with larger homes.  We just could not decide.  We did however, commit it to prayer and knew that God would bring the right house. 

Then we found it!  It was perfect and I loved it! The yard was huge, the den was great and would accomodate my family and then some.  I just loved it.  I told my husband I had to have it.  We went home and prayed about it and I did pray confidently because I just knew this was the house. 

Two days later we went back with the realtor and in my mind, I was placing my furniture in that house. It was great.  As we were walking out, my husband noticed some water on the dining room floor.  "Condensation" the realtor called it.  We later discovered that it was seeping in from the foundation.  That was not good news.  I asked if it could be fixed and it was disclosed that it had also had a mold problem....that was a definite no!  I was sad, very, very sad.  I just knew this house was for us.  I did not want to look anymore, I did not want any more choices, I wanted that house and I would often drive by it just to see what I was missing. 

Eventually, we did locate another house.  It was going to be a "flip" with a total make-over but at a super price.  Once again, God had taken care of us and years later, we recognize that in this economy we are blessed to have made that deal.  The other day, I drove through my subdivision and saw a familiar house. I looked at it and realized it was the model of the one I "wanted"  I also realized that there was no "feeling" for it as I drove away. 

Being in Christ, I do not miss my past life, I do not long to go back, I don't regret leaving it behind. I am grateful that Christ pulled me out of that life and into a relationship with Him.  Just like that house I once longed for, I do not miss it.  I have found that I long to be in the house of the Lord...that is where I find happiness.

I love the house where you live, O Lord, the place where your glory dwells.  Psalm 26:8 

Things don't "just happen"....Great is the Lord

I woke up this morning and read my devotion.  I waited on my prayers because I had an urgency about my Ladies Bible Study tomorrow morning and I felt like I had to take care of it.  Tomorrow's lesson requires a powerpoint presentation that I completed months ago and I was just going to review it.  I looked for my flash drive with the material on it and could not locate it.  I did not panic, I merely looked through my other flash drives and my hard drive to see if I had saved it somewhere else.  You guessed it....I had not!  So now I begin to panic a little.  I remove all my books, materials, supplies and everything else from my computer hutch looking for that flash drive.  I found pictures I had lost, my favorite pen, un-used ink cartridges but no flash drive.  I did find a "paper-copy" of the presentation but that does me no good.  Frustrated, and way behind on time, I decide to move on to my prayer time.

I put in my favorite CD, get on my knees and remember a time when a co-worker came to me as his supervisor and said "Sarge, I lost my ID."  In the police world, that is a major issue.  He had looked for hours and retraced his steps before telling me.  I remember going to his office and praying "God give me eyes to see that ID if it is in this room."  Two seconds later, I saw the ID.  The magnet portion of it was attached to a metal suitcase handle on the floor.  I can assure you I gave God all the glory when I told him I found it.  Today, I was praying for the same kind of revelation. 

On my knees, I began by praying for the needs and prayer requests of the bible study members in my class.  I gradually moved into praying for "God to give me eyes to locate the flash drive" for class tomorrow.  You may think that I just had a "senior" moment but I can assure you I did not.  Immediately upon voicing those words, I heard my husband's voice in my head saying "I am going to hang this flash drive on this door so you don't lose it." I froze.  Being in the middle of a prayer, I did not dare open my eyes to look.  I chose to believe that God had revealed to me where it was and that it would be there when I was finished with my prayer time. 

When I got up and looked, there it was.  The flash drive hanging on the knob.  We have to believe that our God is faithful.  Even when things look grim...I was already to begin a monumental task from scratch...we have to believe that our God is faithful. 

I once heard a pastor ask "Is prayer your first response or your last resort?"  Think about it then make your move. 

You will see it with your own eyes and say "Great is the Lord-even beyond the borders of Israel!"
Malachi 1:5

Open the eyes of my heart!

I have always prayed that God would begin to prepare my son's future wife for him.  I prayed that God would "write the name of that girl" on his heart.  He would hear that prayer daily when he was younger so he was getting used to the idea that God was at work preparing that special girl.  When He was five years old, we were riding our bikes through the greenbelts.  I openly began singing the lyrics:

Open the eyes of my heart Lord,
Open the eyes of my heart
I want to see you...I want to see you.

At that point, my son turned to me and said "Mom, I wish I had eyes in my heart"  confused at the statement, I asked "Why Honey?"  His response was "To see the name of the little girl God has written on my heart."

There is something about the innocence of a child and yet, we are all inquisitive about the plan God would have for us.  We want to see what God has in store for us...many times we don't want to wait to discover it. The idea is for us to seek out God first!  My prayer is that I would listen to what God has laid on my heart and that I would be obedient to what He has prepared for me.  I pray that His commands would be on my heart and that I would "open the eyes of my heart" so that I may see Him as He moves in my life.

My son, keep my words and store up my commands within you.  Keep my commands and you will live, guard my teachings as the apple of your eye.  Bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart.  Proverbs 7:1-3

What's the catch?

Ever notice how things have a catch?  Things like "must be present to win" or "employees not eligible to participate."  You have to be very careful to read the fine print.  Some people have stood in line for a sale for hours only to discover that they did not qualify, their coupon didn't work on a specific product, or there was a limited supply...always a catch.

I am humbled that Christ does not have a fine print, he does not have conditions, in fact, He doesn't even expect you to change before you come to Him.  He willingly went to the cross to ensure my salvation knowing the person I was.  While I was a sinner, He loved me enough to say "she is my child."  With that said, he went to the cross and demonstrated his love for me...no catch!

But God demonstrates his own  love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 
Romans 5:8

Get up and Do It!

As I type this you know I have a smile on my face!  I have a smile on my face because I'm just like many that I know.  I own a treadmill...yes I do.  I like to run, it "gets me away" but I don't like to run in 104 degree weather so I could use my treadmill right?  Well, it's in my extra bedroom with everything else "I will get to one day!"

However, today's devotion brought it home!  We know we live in a society where we have easy access to fast food, immediate food and immediate gratification.  Everything from candy to speciality ice cream.  We can not however, go on eating and having a large intake and then just relax with no exercise.  Today's scripture reminded me that we can't just listen or read the Word and not do anything with it.  It is no better than a treadmill that sits in another room with no use. 

We can not open God's Word and "just read" and we can not hear a sermon and "just hear it."  Growing in the Word requires action.  You do not know how I wish I could just go stand on the treadmill and hope it worked...unfortunately, it does not operate that way. I have to do my part, I have to put forth some effort.  If I am willing to do that, if I am willing to make the sacrifice, if I am willing to live up to the challenge, I will see a change.

I pray that I do not "merely listen" to the word but that I will "do what it says."  I pray that I will not only read or listen for education; but do what it says for transformation!!

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.  James 1:22

Follow in His footsteps...

Today I took my mom in to have eye surgery.  Her vision was severely impaired as was evident by her actions.  I told her "mom, hold my arm and walk directly behind me, I will lead you."  I noticed that when I released her arm, she was completely lost and would stand still so as not to lose her balance or run into things.  The safest place for her with no assistance was to stand still.  If she wanted to move, she had to follow me.  I thought it strange and commented to my husband that we have come full circle.  We are now taking care of those who cared for us. 

I thought of all the times I have been completly lost in life...no guidance, no direction and no one to lead.  I soon discovered that I was only lost because I had "let go." God was there all along leading the way, He was there taking care of me when I thought there was no hope, and He was there, walking step by step to ensure that His daughter would not lose her balance, run into things or lose her way.  Until I walked in the footsteps of my Father, I could not see what he had planned for me. 

God has a plan for me, He called me and he wants me to be the example of following in His footsteps.

To this you were called, because Christ sufferred for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his footsteps.  1 Peter 2:21